ASK: The EXTENDED Elfen Lied cast!
by wolfman6696
Summary: You heard it right folk of the loyal Elfen Lied fan base, its time we ask the harsh brutal question of are beloved characters! So what's your question? Chapter 11 out!
1. Chapter 1

ASK: The Extended Elfen Lied Cast!

Well, I noticed that Elfen Lied's fan base is sort of smaller then I had hoped, so I hope by writing these crappy stories of mine that it would improve morale or something. I got this idea from reading "Ask A Diclonius" by Insanity Awakened 18, but seeing as both versions of the story ended and Insanity Awakened 18 hasn't came up with a new story in two years I figured she/he may have logged off for the last time. So, Intend to take her/his place and answer your insane questions to our insane guests of honor. Notice I said "EXTENDED" cast so that means every character from both the anime and manga, even the most obscure characters that have no names are here.

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Listen Up Folks: I don't own Elfen Lied, but neither do you. Also, don't insert characters here and leave them hoping I'll do a cross-over fic of some sort.

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><p><em><strong>Wolf<strong>_: Well, hello you magnificent bastards! You can call me Wolf. Here is are main cast, oh and let me remind you that the main cast aren't the only one you can ask questions to, we also have all the minor characters! Ok lets get the show on the road, say hello Lucy.

_**Lucy**_: -_Glares_ _at_ _me_-

_**Wolf**_: Oooook~ Some one is a bit grumpy. Here's Kouta!

_**Kouta**_: Hello everybody -_smiles_-

_**Wolf**_: Yuka.

_**Yuka**_: HI Guys -_waves arms like an idiot_- I love you my loyal fans.

_**Wolf**_: Someone is a bit delusional, Ok lets save some time Nana, Mayu, and Wanta!

**_Nana, Mayu, and Wanta_**: Hi.-_waves_- Hello. Woof.

**_Wolf_**: Are first manga exclusive Nozomi!

_**Nozomi**_: Oh, I got in? People actually do like me?

_**Wolf**_: Buck up dear, next is the baby choker, Kurama!

_**Kurama**_: -_Adjusts glasses_- If you every mention that again I have to remove you.

_**Wolf**_: Point taken, You can't spell badass without Bando!

_**Bando**_: Cheh, why the hell am I here again?

_**Wolf**_: Cause I said you could fight Lucy, but I lied so don't try any funny stuff. Next up is the man behind countless deaths, Chief Kakuzawa.

_**C. Kaku**_: Why the hell did you abbreviate my name so grossly you human scum.

_**Wolf**_: Cause there is no way in hell I'm gonna type all that in bold underlined Italics, now for the last of are main cast, the tiny she-devil who just so happens to be super adorable Mariko!

_**Mariko**_: -_Rolls wheelchair up to Kurama's chair_- Papa! _-Begins nuzzling his arm-_

_**Nana**_: -_Jumps out of her chair and grabs Kurama's other arm_- No he's my Papa -_Glares at Mariko_-

_**Mariko**_: -_Gives Nana a death glare_-

_**Wolf**_: Dammit Kurama control your flippin' kids before they kill each other!

_**Kurama**_:-_Doesn't respond as both Mariko and Nana tug on his arms_-

_**Wolf**_: What the flying hell? Is he-

_**Kouta**_: -_Waves hand in front of Kurama's face_- He's asleep.

_**Wolf**_: -_facepalm_- This is gonna be more of a train wreck then an actually train wreck.

~End

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><p>Remember to send in those questions folks, oh and don't forget you can ask questions to other characters that have not been introduced in this chapter.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Ok lets begin with chapter two, I only got one review but, I'm trying to be totally optimistic.

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Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to Elfen Lied.

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><p><em><strong>Wolf<strong>_: Hello again, I checked my story traffic and found out at least twenty people have seen this by now.

_**Lucy**_: But only one reviewed.

_**Wolf**_: -_Stand up walks to corner and culls into a ball_- Lucy has anyone ever told you your a bitch?

_**Lucy**_: -_Shrugs_- I've been called worse.

_**Kouta**_: Aren't we supposed to be answering questions?

_**Wolf**_: -_Jumps into action_- Yes I almost forgot since I was wallowing in self despair._** Melissa 72**_ says:

**"Dear Mariko and Kurama**

**First off my Diclonius fav exculding Lucy and Nana (since they are focus through out the story) is Mariko. The Cute killer. Okay so how are you two back from the dead? Since you know you both die in the anime and Mariko dies in the manga. Aslo Kurama are you the manga ver of yourself that lives or are the anime ver that dies."**

**Chaio!**

**-Melissa 72**

**Yeppie first to ask a question and comment"**

_**Wolf**_: Ok this is getting intresting, see Mariko you have fans.

_**Mariko**_: -_pouts_- but she said excluding Nana and Lucy.

_**Wolf**_: Well, that's only because they gave you such a small role compared to Lucy and Nana, and she called cute so stop pout or your face will get stuck like that.

_**Kurama**_: -_Rubs chin_- Yes I've been meaning to ask you that Mr. Wolf, just how are we alive.

_**Mariko**_: Yeah I agree with Papa, although I don't mind being alive as long I'm with Papa. -_Nuzzles Kurama's arm again_-

_**Wolf**_: Ah well simple, Kurama is the manga Kurama not the anime version, as for Mariko I just used American laws of story telling.

_**Nana**_: whats that mean?

_**Wolf**_: Simple, If your small and cute in American stories your basicaly immortal however it was difficult for me to keep Mariko name the same, they wanted to rename her.

_**Mariko**_: What! Whats wrong with my name? -_Starts choking me with her Vectors_-

_**Wolf**_: N-_gag_-thing. hel-_gag_-p. _-Starts turning blue-_

_**Nana**_: Mariko-chan put him down!

_**Mariko**_: -_Sighs_- Fine.

_**Wolf**_: -_Lands on face_- Great I think I broke my nose. And for your information they wanted to rename you Mary but I said hell no. Oh and Melissa I hope my pain and there answers have brought you joy, hope this isn't your last question.

**_Lucy_**: Still waiting for a question.

_**Wolf**_: Oh quiet down lil' miss emo. -_Lucy starts strangling me with Vectors_-

_**Nana**_: This time you kind of deserve it.

~End

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><p>I only got one but I know I can get more, come on people lets send in some funny ones or even perverted ones if you want. Remember everybody from the manga is here as well.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Yes three more reviews! Thank you to all the readers and reviewers out there. Ok lets get this show on the road, and remember R&R my fellow Elfen Liars.

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Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to Elfen Lied.

EDIT: I noticed some errors so I fixed them, next time I'll have to re-read more then once. Sorry for the inconvenience.

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><p><em><strong>Wolf<strong>_: YES!

_**Lucy**_: -_Covers ears_- That was right in my ear...

_**Wolf**_: Don't kill me please almighty Diclonius queen. -_grovels at Lucy's feet_-

_**Lucy**_: -_Sighs_- I'll think about.

_**C. Kaku**_: Yes bow to the almighty Diclonius. -_Evil Laugh_-

_**Wolf**_: Oi will you shut up you mutant, your not even a Diclonius. In fact I don't even know why I bought you here its not like you have any fans, hell I don't even think anyone even likes you.

_**C. Kaku**_: -Sits in corner and sobs-

_**Wolf**_: I just made an old man cry...Why do find it so funny yet sad? Ok enough of that we got two new reviews, that's why I'm so happy. Ok lets start with the easier questions, Doomevil asks:

**"Dear Lucy, I always wonder why do you have to be so mean.**

**Not all people are cruel and worthless, you just haven't seen the**

**real world for what it is...**

**Also...**

**WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CUT OFF YOUR SEXY HAIR!"**

_**Wolf**_: Lucy if you would.

_**Lucy**_: I never said the ENTIRE world is cruel and worthless just almost every human but there are some exceptions -_glances at Kouta_- I have seen somethings in this world that I do enjoy.

_**Wolf**_: Like puppies?

_**Lucy**_:-_Mumbles_- yes. Also, I didn't cut my hair it was all that retarded Nyu's doing.

_**Kouta**_: Lucy that's not nice Nyu isn't retarded, and saying retard is bad.

_**Lucy**_: Sorry.

_**Nyu**_: Nyu forgives Lucy-chan. -_Hugs Lucy_-

_**Wolf**_: Ah that's sweet...wait holy crap how are the both of you here.

_**Kouta**_: Aren't you the author shouldn't you know the answer to that?

_**Lucy**_: Nyu get off me now...or else.

_**Wolf**_: Kouta calm Lucy down before she commits murder...or is it suicide? Ah whatever next question! _**Rachel** _says:

**"Sup! Well, this question is directed at KOUTA!**

**Did you enjoy seeing Lucy naked all those times and undressing her?**

**Come on, she has a nice body!"**

_**Kouta**_: Hmm. -_Thinks back to all the times he see Lucy nude & Blushes_-

_**Yuka**_: -_Looks pissed_- Oi Kouta just what are you thinking about?

_**Lucy**_: -_Stares right at Kouta & blushes_- Yes Kouta what are you thinking about?

_**Wolf**_: Ok since I'm not gonna pay for any medical bills Yuka and Lucy have to wear ear plugs when ever Kouta's life is in danger regarding his answers. -_Throws ear plugs at Lucy and Yuka-_

_**Yuka**_: Fine but only cause I trust Kouta. -_Puts ear plugs in_-

_**Lucy**_: I know Kouta will answer right even if I can't hear him. -_Puts ear plugs in-_

_**Kouta**_: OK now that its safe, y-yes did enjoy seeing Lucy naked but it not like I'm a pervert or anything I j-just like Lucy.

_**Wolf**_: Ok -_Takes out Lucy and Yuka's ear plugs_-

_**Lucy**_:-_Has a small smile on-_

_**Wolf**_: Just what are you smiling about?

_**Lucy**_: I can read lips.

_**Wolf**_: Oh dear, well that was pointless then, whatever. _**Maiko2853** _says:

**"Okay, so another question and answer fic? Hmm.**

**I guess I'll take a whack at it.**

**Mariko, how does it feel knowing your nice and free to live with your papa?**

**Nana, how do you feel about having to share your papa?**

**Kouta, if you could actually have a harem in series, would you go for it?**

**Yuka, your disliked by a good portion of the community, how do you feel about it? Oh, and by the way, I don't dislike you. I think your a well rounded character who does add a bit of flavor to the plot.**

**Lucy, your puppies been beaten to death by Tomoo, Aiko was shot dead by Kurama and Kouta admitted to hating you after refusing your apology to him for brutally murdering his sister and father. Do you ever stop and think, 'Maybe I shouldn't hang around men who are tall, thin and dark-haired so much?'**

**Nozomi, so what exactly are you going to do to convince Yuka and Lucy to share Kouta with you?**

**Mayu, what was it like leaving on the streets for the few weeks or months you were out there for?**

**Nousou, first off, I can hardly believe it. Very few fanfic writers actually mention you in there stories. Now I'm offered the chance to question you. You are my favorite character in this whole series. This is a dream come true. Give me a second to think about this.**

**... I suppose my question is how much did you regret your actions towards the Diclonius and how far would you have been willing to go to do what you thought was right?**

**Barbara, Kurama says that you knew he was going to attack from behind and that you could've stopped the shot, but had chosen not too. Is this true, or was Kurama wrong? If true, then why did you choose to die rather than live?**

**Arakawa... do you need a shower? I mean, we have facilities here in the fanfiction community you can use if you need to... yes, that's right... I'm never going to let you live down your running gag.**

**Kurama, you have been given a second chance with your daughter and wife. How are you going to live your life with them?**

**Hiromi, even knowing your husband Kurama has done some fairly questionable deeds at his job, are you willing to give him a second chance and live a happy life with him?**

**Wolfman6696, I'm not going to ask you any questions, but I would like to thank you for checking out my story, "The Adventures of Elfen Lied," and for giving me all of those wonderful reviews. It really warms my heart to know that someone out there is having a good laugh from it.**

**Sorry I didn't get this to you until the second chapter, but I've been busy on my end."**

_**Nana**_: Wow! Nana never knew reviews could be that big!

_**Wolf**_: Yes isn't it wonderful! Mariko-chan if you would be so kind.

_**Mariko**_: Don't call me chan you lolicon.

_**Wolf**_: Your just saying that cause I have a mustache, Just answer the question.

_**Mariko**_: I love it, as long as I'm with Papa I'm happy. -_Nuzzles Kurama's arm_-

_**Nana**_: I don't like sharing Papa but as long as Papa wants Nana around then Nana will always be happy.

_**Kouta**_: ah..oh..um -Sees almost the entire female cast glaring daggers at him- n..no, I don't think I would live very long if I said yes.

_**Yuka**_: Your damn right no, Kouta. Ah thank you, it hard you know being hated for just being yourself. -_Starts crying into Kouta shoulder_-

_**Lucy**_: -_Looks about ready to kill Yuka_- Hmm You know that does make sense but that fits the description of about 80% of the men in Japan.

_**Nozomi**_: Wha..-_Yuka and Lucy glare at Nozomi_- -_Whispers_- I..I wet myself.

_**Wolf**_: Here. -_Hands Nozomi a case of Depends diapers-_

_**Mayu**_: It was really bad at first, I was so alone and cold. I kept scolding myself for at not at least taking pants with me. But I found Wanta and he kept me company and gave me warmth. -_Wanta barks_-

_**Wolf**_: Yoooo Nousou get out here someone asked you a question!

_**Nousou**_: -_Comes out from behind a random curtain_- Really? I thought no one on this site even knew my name other then you. -_Takes a bite out of his pocky stick & Reads Maiko2853's review_- I have fans?

_**Wolf**_: Yup!

_**Nousou**_: I do regret thinking that the Diclonius where just monsters who wanted to destroy mankind, but some did prove that Diclonius aren't exactly innocent either -_Cough_-Lucy-_Cough_- I do feel bad that I saw them not as people but just test subjects with no human value. Well, I did die for the pursuit of the truth of whether Diclonius where either pure evil or just misunderstood, so I'm willing to say pretty far. _-Finishes eating pocky_-

_**Wolf**_: NOUSOU QUICK TELL BARBARA NOT TO COME OUT YET!

_**Nousou**_: Wh-

_**Wolf**_: NOW!

_**Nousou**_: Ok jeez calm down, Barbara stay behind the curtain for a bit ok dear.

_**Wolf**_: OK we're safe. -_wipes off fear sweat_- Kurama could you help for second?

_**Kurama**_: What do you need?

_**Wolf**_: Take off your tie and wrap it around Mariko's eyes.

_**Mariko**_: Why?

_**Kurama**_: Hold still Mariko. -_Wraps tie over Mariko's eyes_-

_**Mariko**_: Papa whats going on did I do something bad.

_**Wolf**_: No. Mariko-chan you didn't do anything wrong.

_**Mariko**_: Shut up you Lolicon I asked Papa not you.

_**Wolf**_: Little she devil. Ok you can call Barbara out now.

_**Nousou**_: Barbara come here.

_**Barbara**_: -_Runs to Nousou and begins cuddling up to him_- Myu~

_**Wolf**_: Ok Bando, Lucy, and Nana I need you three to get ready cause I'm going to remove the mind control device and if she decide to try and kill us all take her out. -_Walks up to Barbara with a butter knife_-

_**Nousou**_: Its ok Barbara just stand still.

_**Wolf**_: Ok Nousou run behind the curtain because If she kills you I don't think I can bring you back again. -_Nousou runs behind the curtain_- OK here it goes. -_Tries to pry out the Mind control device with the butter knife_- OK I almost got it. -_Device pops out_- OH SHI-

_**Barbara**_: -_Throws me into a wall with her Vectors_-

_**Kurama**_: Lucy, Nana, restrain her now.

_**Lucy & Nana**_: -_Uses there Vectors to pin Barbara to the ground_-

_**Wolf**_: -_Gets_ _up_- Clever Girl.

_**Kouta**_: Hmm That reminds me of something, I think a movie.

_**Wolf**_: Barbara I should just kill you for that but I won't. Answer this question, Kurama says that you knew he was going to attack from behind and that you could've stopped the shot, but had chosen not too. Is this true, or was Kurama wrong? If true, then why did you choose to die rather than live?

_**Barbara**_: Why sho-

_**Wolf**_: Girl do not f*cking test me otherwise I'm gonna be having Diclonius loli for dinner.

_**Lucy, Nana, Mariko, and Barbara**_: ewwww.

_**Barbara**_: OK fine. That was a total lie, how the hell I'm I supposed to know he was gonna come from behind I'm a Diclonius not a psychic.

_**Wolf**_: Good answer...Oh and -_shoves Mind control device back into her head_- if you ever hit me again I swear I'll sell you to sexually confused Otaku. That was way to long drawn out, Ok next question, Arakawa get your sorry virgin ass out here! Oh and Nousou call Barbara back there.

_**Nousou**_: Barbara come here!

_**Barbara**_: Myu~ -_Runs back stage_-

_**Arakawa**_: -_Comes from back stage_- Hey don't call me a virgin you lolicon.

_**Wolf**_: Who the hell keeps telling people I'm a lolicon? Cause I'm not ok. Oh Mariko you can take that the off you head.

_**Mariko**_: Nope~ I like it, it smells like papa.

_**Wolf**_: oooooook then, there nothing weird about that. Now Arawaka answer the question.

_**Arakawa**_: Yes I still need a shower I haven't been able to since the clones back stage keep thinking I'm Nousou so when I ever I try to leave they chase me down.

_**Wolf**_: Jeez lady you smell worse then that dead Mariko clone in the manga.

_**Mariko**_: Clone? Papa what's a clone?

_**Kurama**_: Well Mariko a clone is-

_**Wolf**_: -_Whispers into Kurama's ear_- You fool the reason I told you to cover her eye is so she doesn't know about the clones, we have no Idea how she would react.

_**Kurama**_: I tell you when you older Mariko.

_**Mariko**_: Ok papa.

_**Arakawa**_: Hey that little girl looks just like that girl that got her head-

_**Wolf**_: Arakawa get the hell off my stage, go to my trailer, and take a shower your stinking up the whole stage here are the keys. -_Arakawa runs outside_-

_**Kurama**_: I'd live my life as a good father and husband and try and make up for all my sins.

_**Mariko**_: That's my Papa~

_**Nana**_: Our Papa!

_**Wolf**_: Ok Hiromi come out here.

_**Hiromi**_: -_Come out from backstage_-

_**Kurama**_: Hiromi your alive...

_**Hiromi**_: Yes Ku-kun.

_**Wolf**_: Ku-kun! hahahahahahaha Oh dear god Ku-kun -_rolls around on the floor laughing_- Ku-kun oh dear gods! -_Everyone glares at me_- Ok sorry very childish, so Lady Kurama what is your answer?

_**Hiromi**_: I will always love my husband but I'm afraid that since I can no longer bare him children and are last child is dead I can't be with him.

_**Wolf**_: Wait just a new England second, just what do you mean dead? Who every said Kurama killed your child? -_Walks over to Mariko and picks her up from her wheelchair & holds Mariko in front of Hiromi_- Just who the hell do you think this is?

_**Hiromi**_: Mariko is..is that really you?

_**Wolf**_: Here take her she done nothing but hit me and call me a lolicon so you can have her.

_**Mariko**_: Why I'm I being passed around like a baby? And just who is holding me now?

_**Wolf**_: Take off the tie you pink haired lunatic.

_**Mariko**_: I am not lunatic you lolicon. -_Takes off tie covering her eyes_- Who is this?

**_Hiromi_**: Mariko it really is you. -_Hugs Mariko_-

_**Mariko**_: -_Visibly Stunned_- M-mama?

**_Hiromi_**: Yes Mariko its me, I just so happy to see you. -_Starts crying_-

**_Mariko_**: Mama! -_Hugs Hiromi back_-

**_Hiromi_**: I can't believe it, I doubted my husband. Ku-kun I'm sorry.

**_Kurama_**: Its ok Hiromi as long as where together again nothing will ever tear us apart. -_Joins in hug_-

_**Nana**_: -_Starts crying & Whispers_- I guess Papa doesn't need Nana anymore. -_Tries to walk off stage_-

_**Kurama**_: Oi Nana where are you going? Come here and introduce yourself.

_**Nana**_: Um Yes -_Walks over to the Kurama clan_-

_**Kurama**_: Hiromi I'd like you to meet Nana, my adopted daughter.

_**Nana**_: -_Nana's eyes lit up at the daughter part_-

_**Hiromi**_: -_Laughs at bit_- Ku-kun you never cease to amaze me, a few years ago I thought you hated our daughter cause she had horns but you show me you do love her and you even prove me more wrong by adopting another little horned girl. My name is Hiromi, Nana-chan.

_**Nana**_: -_Nana wipes away here tears_- Nana at your service Papa's wife.

_**Hiromi**_: Nana don't say that you can just call me mom.

_**Kurama**_: After all Mariko will need a big sister.

_**Mariko**_: I don't like that idea.

_**Hiromi**_: Hey Mariko don't be so mean to you to your new sister.

_**Mariko**_: Fine but only cause you asked Mama. Oh Nana?

_**Nana**_: Yes? Imouto? (Younger Sister)

_**Mariko**_: Don't think I'm gonna be calling you oneesan anytime soon.

_**Nana**_: I don't care about that after all I have a Papa and a Mama now. -_Joins in Kurama clan hug_-

_**Wolf**_: Ah you see even In a building full of murderous psychos the love in hearts can still win! No matter how cheesy that sounds. Oh and Maiko2853 I would like to thank you as well as say your welcome, I do find your stories very enjoyable so I'll be checking "Drabble For The Soul" Ok that's all the time we have for today folk see ya later!

~End

Holy Zombie jesus that was eight pages long! I wrote most of this story at like 3-6 AM, so In one chapter I managed to showcase KoutaXLucy, bring a family together, and more! So come on people review its good for you!


	4. Chapter 4

From now on I'm going to be putting all questions in bold. Ok seeing as I want to dish out updates as fast as I can and I didn't answer rpkm's question that means its time for another chapter! This Chapter's gonna be a bit short due to lack of reviews/questions.

Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to Elfen Lied.

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><p><em><strong><span>Wolf<span>:**_ Well come back my loyal readers & reviewers!

_**Lucy:**_ What little of you there are.

_**Wolf:**_ Why must you torment me?

_**Lucy:**_ -_Shrugs_- Dunno.

_**Wolf:**_ OK did I ever tell you your a bitch?

_**Lucy:**_ Multiple times, still I have no idea why I haven't sliced your head off yet.

_**Wolf:** _Because I remembered the little deal you made with Kouta. -_Points to Kouta_- As long as he is here I'm totally safe. Enough chit-chat on to the questions, **rpkm asks:**

**"Lucy, how do you feel about nana? Are you guys friends? Also how often are you nyuu, and how do you control that?**

**That's all I ask**

**Lucy is awesome and kicks some major ass. YOU GO GIRL! luv ya**

**-rpkm"**

_**Lucy:**_ Well Nana is like that annoying little girl that you don't like but can't hate because she is a little girl.

_**Nana:**_ I am not a little girl!

_**Wolf:**_ Nana your only six, I'm nearly three times your age.

_**Lucy:**_ Me and Nana friends? _-Points to Nana_- As if I would ever be friends with that.

_**Nana:** _-Starts to tear up-

**_Wolf:_** Lucy that was seriously harsh, Mayu and Nyu tend to Nana's shattered feelings, Kouta control your woman I can't afford an emotional break down.

_**Kouta**_: Eh m-my woman? -_Blushes_-

_**Lucy**_: -_Blushes_- Your going to pay for that joke.

_**Wolf**_: Who said I was joking?

_**Lucy**_: It depends on how long I can keep control, some times may never end up being Nyu for up to months, I can't control when I change into Nyu it just happens when ever I get hit in the head hard or some kind of emotional trigger goes off in my head.

_**Wolf**_: Emphasis on "EMO"

_**Lucy**_: I hate you wolf, uh thank you rpkm.

_**Wolf**_: Ah Lucy I love that you hate me! The next question is from **Postaldude:**

**"Hi there just wanted to ask a question for Kouta..**  
><strong>How does it feel to be surrounded and live with girls in your current life? No really I want to know..<strong>  
><strong>Wolf, how's life when your dealing with the main cast of Elfen lied are they bothering you?<strong>  
><strong>I guess that's all I have to say for today but I'll be back."<strong>

_**Kouta**_: Do I really have to answer that? -_Begins sweating_-

_**Wolf**_: Yup and no ear plugs this time.

_**Yuka**_: -_Enter Satan Voice_- Kouta why are you so hesitant?

_**Kouta**_: Uh... OH I love it because there all my best friends and I love them all for all the good moments we've shared.

_**Females of the maple inn**_: Aw Kouta is so sweet~

**_Wolf_**: How the hell did you all do that in unison? Damn Kouta you sly son of female dog. Oh a question for me?

_**Wolf**_: Well let me explain something, I'm not famous enough to use the high class five star living quarters of the fanfiction community so I'm stuck with all these people, I have to make sure no one leave and tries to cause chaos. So I'm pretty much the baby sitter of a large collection of freaks, psychos, and people who are technically zombies.

_**Mayu**_: Zombies?

_**Wolf**_: Someone who has been brought back from the dead is a zombie Mayu so this entire building is full of zombies. But seriously as characters in a manga or anime I like all you guys.

_**Unknown Man**_: -_Sticks head out from behind curtain_- Even me?

_**Wolf**_: Even you Unknown Man with no name that for some reason resembles Donald DeFreeze.

_**Unknown Man**_: Who?

_**Wolf**_: Google it. _-Throws shoe at Unknown Man_- Now get the hell back there till I call for you.

_**Wolf**_: However as indivdual people I f*cking hate you all!

**_CAST_**: -**GASP**-

_**Wolf**_: Its hell living with you people! Every day I find used condoms in Lucy and Nyu's room and there the same brand as the bulk sized condom pack in Kouta's room.

_**Yuka**_: KOUTA I GOING TO KILL YOU!

_**Lucy**_: Hes mine b*tch! -_tackles Yuka_-

_**Nyu**_: -_Hugs Kouta_- Nyu loves Kouta!

_**Wolf**_: Yeah apparently three times a night, six days a week.

_**Kouta**_: Oh god I knew I should have hidden the condoms better.

_**Wolf**_: Yuka don't play the victim! Every night when I doing my rounds do you know what I hear?

_**Nana and Mayu**_: What?

_**Wolf**_: -Imitates Yuka's voice- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, OHHHH, Oh yes, oh yes Kouta!, Oh dear god Kouta-kun!, Yes right there!, don't stop!, OHH KOUTA!

_**Kouta**_: -_Flustered_- What the hell was that? I never once slept with Yuka!

_**Wolf**_: Oh I know because she makes those noises in the room alone at the dead of night!

_**Yuka**_: -_Face completely red_- I DO NOT!

_**Lucy**_: B*tch, I won't even let you masturbate to him. -_Round two of the fight begins_-

_**Wolf**_: Oh and Mayu don't think I forgotten about you!

_**Mayu**_: What! I didn't do anything wrong.

_**Wolf**_: Mayu I know all your secrets, I even know that really bad one.

_**Mayu**_: What really bad one?

_**Wolf**_: You know which one so be quiet.

_**Mayu**_: -_Dead silent_-

_**Wolf**_: Better. Now I want everyone here to know I got dirt on all you bastards! Even you bastards back stage don't think I've forgotten about you. Cya next time my loyal readers!

~End

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><p>Damn I went off on a humor bender towards the end, but I think it was pretty funny. Review so I can continue!<p> 


	5. Chichi wo moge

New Update! I already have two new questions so why the hell not! Lets get it started.

_**Names**_:

-_Actions_-

"**Questions**"

Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to Elfen Lied.

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><p><em><strong>Wolf<strong>_: What's up people! Lets start the show~

_**Yuka**_: Your awfully cheery after near causing a riot last chapter.

_**Wolf**_: Well that's because I have two new reviews and last chapter I didn't get hit! Ha! -_Gets throw into wall_-

_**Lucy**_: I think I owed you that.

_**Wolf**_: OK fair enough but lets get this clear, you get one of those Lucy, only one. OK enough of my cheap un-comedic physical satire its time for questions!

PostalDude Says:

**"Hello im back again so this question is for Lucy, I always wanted to know how did you get those awesome horns or how were you born this way? Because they never really explained how you got them.**

**Also you have nice long hair."**

_**Lucy**_: Well I was born this way but I did get them from my mother's side of the family, or at least that's what the old mutant said. Oh and thank you.

_**C. Kaku**_: It was your mother, and I am not a freak!

_**Wolf**_: Who said you could speak? Next Question!

Maiko2853 says:  
><strong>"Nyu, you have a tendency to grope people. In the case of Nozomi, rape as comedy was used. So my question is have you ever regretted doing your perverted tendencies towards the girls?<strong>

**Kouta, you are the only guy living at Maple House. Does it ever get weird knowing you don't have a guy friend to talk to about your problems with?**

**Yuka, Nyu was really frisky early on. Did you ever take advantage of the situation?**

**Bakery Lady, first off, sorry about the nickname. Secondly, my question is why did you help Mayu?**

**Mayu, did you ever overcome your fear of men, or adults in general?**

**Nana, what is the favorite activity you have ever done?**

**Mariko, do you want to know what the word clone means?**

**Nousou, so what are you going to do now that you've been brought back to life?**

**Barbara, if you could have one wish in the world, and I do mean ANY one wish, what would it be?**

**Saito, is it true that you knew the details involving Mariko's parents were false and that you were trying to manipulate her? Alternatively, did you really not know and just got caught up in the Big-K families lies?**

**Senior-K**,** you started a massive racist complain against horned people, while having horns yourself, along with most of your other family members. Did you ever stop and think that maybe you should've invested in something other than cheep wigs, which could easily fall off at any moment by the way, to cover them up?**

**Unknown Man, the fans speculate that you are a member of the Big-K family and have horns under your fedora, is this true?**

**Junior-K, how does it feel knowing your family name is being used so disrespectfully?**

**Anna, how does it feel knowing your back to your old dumb self?**

**Wolf, sorry it's late and that it's so long, but I like my reviews being well thought out. Yes, even the ones that go into question fics. Keep up the good work. Your on a roll man!"**

_**Wolf**_: Yes more glorious huge questions! Its like a gift from god~ Nyu start things off.

_**Nyu**_: Hmm...Nope.

_**Wolf**_: Really that's all you have to say for yourself?

_**Nyu**_: Yup.

_**Wolf**_: Not one regret?

_**Nyu**_: I regret when Kouta stops me.

_**Nozomi**_: I regret it every moment of every day, the groping, oh dear god the groping. -Curls into a ball and rocks back and forth-

_**Wolf**_: Ah poor Nozomi is to sensitive for such perverted behavior.

_**Yuka**_: What about me? She molested me like three times!

Wolf: Yuka your as delicate as a chainsaw or a brick.

_**Yuka**_: Take that back. -_**Tackles me**_-

_**Wolf**_: -_Trying to ward of Yuka_- N-Nyu look boobs! -_Points to Yuka's breasts_-

_**Nyu**_: Nyu can't help it...-_**Tackles Yuka and squeezes her breasts**_- There just so squishy and soft...

_**Wolf**_: Yes, yes keep on going I can sell this as softcore porn I'll call it Chichi wo moge~

_**Yuka**_: No, ohhh, Nyu p-please stop~

_**Kouta**_: -_Pries Nyu off Yuka_- How many time have I said not to do that?

_**Nyu**_: At least eight. Kouta why are you poking me?

_**Kouta**_: Eh? How I'm I poking you?

_**Wolf**_: -_Salutes_- At ease Soldier! -_Points to Kouta's pants_-

_**Mayu**_: Kouta's a pervert.

_**Nyu**_: Kouta Jr. is happy.

_**Kouta**_: The shame. -_Hides behind his chair_-

_**Wolf**_: Kouta answer your question.

_**Kouta**_: I suppose it is kind of weird that every guy I ever meet tries to either kill or capture Lucy and I don't really have any guy friends, but I still have plenty of girl friends.

_**Wolf**_: In both senses of the word. Yuka.

_**Yuka**_: What are you implying by "Take Advantage" I'll have you know I'm heterosexual.

_**Wolf**_: Exceedingly nice Bakery Woman come out here.

_**B.W.**_: -_Comes out from behind the curtain_- Ah its no trouble after all I never was given an official name. Well I saw this little girl with no pants and a little dog so I knew that she had a sob story about her, I could tell she had face some hardship so I tried my best to help.

_**Mayu**_: The bakery woman was the first person to show me any compassion in the entire show. _-Hugs BW-_ Thank you for all your help. I didn't get over it completely but Bando & Kouta are proof that not all men are sexually crazed deviants. Although I'm still on the fence with Kouta being a sexual deviant and Bando is just being a deviant.

_**Bando**_: Hey I take offense to that!

_**Nana**_: Does eating Ice cream count? Or maybe being with papa?

_**Wolf**_: I will accept that for now.

_**Mariko**_: Oh that's right Papa never did tell me.

_**Wolf**_: Crap I'm so dead now. Wait there is still hope! Nousou come out here with Barbara.

_**Nousou**_: -Comes from behind curtain- Come along Barbara.

_**Barbara**_: Myu~ -_Runs to Nousou's side_-

_**Mariko**_:...Why does she look like me?

_**Nousou**_: Oh I cloned you, more then once in fact. -_Diana, Cynthia, and Alicia come to join Nousou_-

_**Kurama**_: You sick pervert! -_Grabs Nousou by the collar and is about to punch him_-

_**Wolf**_: -_Grabs Kurama arm_- Hold it! Hold it! Don't blame Nousou he's just a scientist it was all the old mans idea. -_points to C. Kaku_-

_**Wolf**_: Uh Mariko...How do you feel?

_**Mariko**_:...That's so...Cool! They look just like me!

_**Hirmori**_: Maybe we can have them over for dinner tonight.

_**Wolf**_: You people amaze me. Nana I need your help.

_**Nana**_: What do you need me to do?

_**Wolf**_: Use your Vector's to disable Barbara's vectors for the time being.

_**Nana**_: Ok. Done.

_**Nousou**_: Well considering that the Diclonius Research Institute is at the bottom of the sea, I no longer have a job, and the Lebensborn Project was foiled I guess I'll go into private practice or something.

_**Wolf**_: Nousou could you please remove Barbara's mind controller.

_**Nousou**_: OK seeing as she can't kill me now why not. -_Takes knife and pries out the mind control device_-

_**Barbara**_:...Why do you still have your head?

_**Wolf**_: That's just rude Barbara, any ways its time to talk and since you can't use your Vectors Nousou can restrain you.

_**Nousou**_: Come on Barbara you've already killed me once and I did say sorry already.

**Barbara**: OK fine... If I could have one wish? I wish Nousou would stop taking baths wi-

**Nousou**: -_Puts hand over Barbara's mouth_- Oh so you want me to smell like Arakawa? -_Keeps Barbara from speaking_-

_**Wolf**_: Nousou you really are a lolicon, that does explain the addiction to chocolate to draw kids in. Saito can you come out here.

_**Saito**_: -_Come out fro behind curtain then pulls a U-turn_-

_**Wolf**_: What the hell are you doing?

_**Saito**_: Are you crazy they're like five of them in out there!

_**Wolf**_: -_Looks around_- Huh I don't know what you mea-

_**Saito**_: MARIKOS OR MARIKII WHICH EVER IS THE PROPER FORM!

_**Wolf**_: OK damn, just answer the question.

_**Saito**_: I was merely a pawn told to convince Mariko to believe that I'm her true mother, Mister Kakuzawa told me the truth about the Kurama family tragedy.

_**C. Kaku**_: No never My horns are proof of my superior status!

_**Wolf**_: You do know that you perfect status is just a mutation right? In fact how could you not know it those horns where caused by radiation? I mean you even said the underground grotto was radioactive.

**_C. Kaku_**: Silence ape.

_**Wolf**_: Silence Horned monkey! Your not even good enough to be called an ape you lower life form! OK seeing as the next set of questions are for the majority of the Kakuzawa Clan and the Unknown man I want all of you to come out from back stage.

_**Crowd**_: -_Comes from behind curtain_-

_**Wolf**_: First things first, I'm getting tired of calling Unknown Man by his no name, so as of today I'm renaming you.

_**Unknown Man**_: Hey you just can't go around renaming people!

_**Wolf**_: Fool! I reattached your ugly mug! I can call you Pinballs McFluffyPants if I wanted to! From now on your name is Alucard Flag Kakuzawa!

_**Alucard Flag Kakuzawa**_: I am not gonn- You son of a B*tch you changed my name!

_**Wolf**_: Let everyone take notice! If you've died in the anime or manga I can rename your sorry a*s.

_**Alucard Flag Kakuzawa**_: -_Takes off hat_- I don't see any horns do you?

Wolf: Hmm.

_**Alucard K.**_: What are you hmm'ing about?

_**Wolf**_: Surprise attack! _-Latches on to Flag's head & starts pulling his hair-_

_**Alucard K.**_:What the hell are you doing!

_**Wolf**_: -_Jumps off_- Ha I felt them! You have tiny baby horns~ Jr. K answer.

_**Kaku Jr.**_: Don't order me around, I honestly don't care much for the Kakuzawa name I'm to busy dealing on spreading the Diclonius DNA.

_**Wolf**_: Your so transparent. OK Anna your up.

_**Anna**_: Hey I am not dumb, Papa said I just learn at a slower rate then everyone else, but I do like having my good old normal body back.

_**Wolf**_: Ah no worries Maiko2853 as long as someone reviews even just once I'll be fine. Thank you so much for the compliment.

_**Lucy**_: Great just what he needs another ego boost.

_Wolf_: Seriously Lucy, did someone beat you with the b*tch stick, on the B*tch bus, all the way to b*tch town?

_**Lucy**_: Nope just wanted more lines.

~End

* * *

><p>Behold I have the magical power of renaming people as I wish. As for why I changed his name to Alucard Flag Kakuzawa, Alucard because his design is a lot like Alucard from Hellsing, Flag as in Randall Flag which is an inside joke for Mariko2853, and Kakuzawa because he is now part of the Kukazawa clan.<p>

In case your wondering why chichi wo moge? Well because its a song from the show Zatch Bell (I never really watched Zatch Bell) its a song all about groping breasts so I thought it fit well.


	6. Chapter 6

...I would have written this chapter earlier but I'm to lazy. Any way time to begin once again~

_**Names**_:

-_Actions_-

"**Questions**"

Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to Elfen Lied.

* * *

><p><strong>Wolf<strong>: After my little two day vacation I returned!

**Lucy:** Does the fact you just didn't update count as a vacation?

**Wolf:** No idea. Today we have two new reviewers and there both non-anons!

**Lucy:** Whoopee.

**Wolf:** Lucy why can't you be more like Nyu? I mean watch. Hey Nyu we have two more reviews!

**Nyu:** Yay! -_Jumps for joy_-

**Lucy:** I think I'd rather melt again then act like her.

**Wolf:** God you just seep angst, Captainmattthompson says:  
><strong>Hey guys! Well, yeah on with the questions. Achem.<strong>

**Lucy: If you were not a Diclonius, do you think you would have gotten on better with other people... Even Kouta?**

**Nana: You want a hug? I love hugs! But try not to kill me =P**

**That's all, cheerio!**

**Lucy**: Well of course I would have gotten along better since I wouldn't have these damn horns no one would have a reason to bother me, although if I didn't have my horns I most likely would have never been put in orphanage and then I would have never met Kouta. Oh and Kouta never treated me bad so If I was human I don't think It would have changed anything.

**Nana**: Oh Sure! -_Hugs_- I love hugs too, hmm -pouts- Nana doesn't kill people.

**Wolf**: Its true though out the entire manga and anime Nana hasn't killed a single person, human or otherwise. OK next question! LSSJ2 Gohan says:

**All right I'll bite.**

**Lucy: First off, what is that "DNA Voice" you claim to hear? Is it a subconscious impulse? A literal voice? Or a full blown split personality? And on the subject of split personalities... Who are you actually? Are you the original Kaede, the girl Kouta met as a child? Or are you another split personality created when Kaede could no longer stand the pain of her tragic childhood? Or could it be that you're and amalgam of both the original personality (Kaede) and the "DNA Voice" personality?**

**Nana: Were you serious when you said you wanted to be Kurama's wife and have children with him? Aren't you aware that Silpelits are sterile and thus, can't produce children? Furthermore, do you even KNOW what do you and Kurama would have to "make babies" as you put it?**

**Kurama: Related to Nana's questions. Did you actually considered taking Nana as your wife?**

**Mayu: Did you honestly fell in love with Bando of all people? And if not, then how do you explain that you kissed him after his fight with Lucy?**

**Arakawa : Were you aware of Kakuzawa's plan to make clones of Mariko? Did you contributed in some way?**

**Nousou: Did you helped develop the Diclonius virus alongside Arakawa?**

**Unknown Man and Bando: How come you two became such unpleasant individuals? Do you have any form of tragic story like Lucy or Kurama? Or are you into the whole "Maim! Crush! Torture! Rape! ( for Unknown Man only) Kill!" for shits and giggles?**

**Wolf**: Yes another large review! Lucy start it off.

**Lucy**: Don't order me around. Well its a literal voice in my head however when under extreme moments of duress she become my third split personality and takes over my body. ...I remember that's my name right, Kaede. From now on I want to be called Kaede.

**Wolf**: Done.

**Kaede**: I am the original Kaede however many of my actions in my life have been influenced by the DNA voice. The DNA voice is the pure evil, I, Kaede, am neutral, and Nyu would be the good side.

**Wolf**: Nana.

**Nana**: Yes, why, is that weird? What does sterile mean? What do we have to do?

**Wolf**: OK let me explain this, Nana was raised in a institute with no real human contact other then her father. Because of this she has the social skills of a toddler.

**Nana**: HEY!

**Wolf:** Its true. She most likely does know why asking Kurama that question would even be odd. Kurama your up.

**Kurama:** Well if she wanted to call herself my wife I would let her if it made her feel better, but I certainly wasn't going to do that other thing.

**Wolf:** The though of Nana screaming "Papa!" Mid-coitus shall forever scar me.

**Mayu:** Its not love I'm just really good friends with mister Bando, the kiss was to make him happy since I thought he was done for.

**Bando:** As if that b*tch _-points to Kaede/Lucy-_ could actually kill me. All she ever does is get f*cking lucky.

**Kaede/Lucy:** Explain how do I get lucky.

**Bando:** First fight you just so happen to pick up the gun, second fight the Barb ball was out of toxin and Mayu got in the way.

**Wolf:** He got you there. Yo smelly your up~

**Arakawa:** I'll have you know I took a shower.

**Wolf:** You still smell. Now answer the question.

**Arakawa:** I didn't even know you could clone people let alone Diclonius. So I had no part in the cloning process.

**Nousou:** Oh no, not really. I did send he some of the information I gathered on the Diclonius gene sequence but that wasn't even in person. Plus I was to busy collecting spines at the time.

**Unknown Man:** Hey screw you man I am not unpleasant.

**Everyone:** Yes you are.

**Bando:** I'm way better then that pedophile.

**Unknown Man:** F*ck all of you.

**Bando:** Tragic story? How bout getting your f*cking arm ripped off, getting your other arm snapped like a twig, and then getting your eyes removed. Then finding out you can't have anymore kids, and then getting cut in half. Is that tragic enough!

**Unknown Man:** Nope my life was pretty bitchin' till I died.

**Bando:** I just want to have a challenge, but since Lucy came along I live off revenge.

**Unknown Man:** Maim! Crush! Torture! Rape! Kill! And not even in that order!

**Wolf:** Ok that's all the time we have for today folks cya next time!  
>~End<p>

* * *

><p>I feel like this one could have been better.<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

I thought I would do a late thanksgiving Chapter so this chapter will begin with a little banter. Lets see if I can make up for last chapters un-funny moments. Ready. Set. **GO!** (I've been playing to many racing games lately)

_**Names**_

"**Questions**"

-_Actions_-

=_Setting_=

I own nothing pertain to the Elfen Lied series.

_**Wolf**_: Welcome back to another segment of are you smarter then a fif-

_**Bando**_: WRONG SHOW! WRONG SHOW!

_**Wolf**_: Oh right I didn't disclaim ownership to that show so the hardass admins would have sold me out faster then an Playstation on black Friday.

_**Kaede/Lucy**_: What?

_**Wolf**_: Wait do they even have black Friday in Japan? God I hope not.

_**Yuka**_: What's black Friday?

_**Wolf**_: Its the Friday after thanksgiving where everything is super cheap in the stores, because of the price cut people fight and rush to grab what ever they can for lower prices.

_**Yuka**_: Well that sounds pretty dangerous.

_**Wolf**_: Well considering that people have been robbed, shot, pepper sprayed, and been trampled in a stampede of greed folks I would be believe so.

_**Kaede/Lucy**_: The pinnacle of humanity is still just a bunch of monkeys fighting for bananas.

_**Kouta**_: Hey isn't thanksgiving the holiday where all the Americans go eat chicken at KFC.

(**Fun fact: People in Japan actually believe Americans eat fried chicken from KFC at thanksgiving not turkey.**)

_**Wolf**_: -_Face Palm_- Yes Kouta we Americans just love are Kentucky fried chicken. OK enough of that lets begin the questions! _**ninjakat405 **_says:

**"I just finished Elfen Lied and I cried! On the inside though, because I don't cry. Anyway, I stumbled upon this and wanted to give out more lovvveee! (so sappy sounding) So, questions!**

**Kouta: How could you accept Lucy after you found about the murder of your family so easily! Yeah, you said you weren't going to forgive her (or something like that) for that, and yet you still let her touch you! I know you liked her as a kid and she's pretty hot now (hey, even though I'm a woman doesn't mean I can't appreciate awesome boobs and hair) that doesn't mean you should just brush something away like that. Especially if it was the murder of your family.**

**Yuka: If you two are cousins...how can...you like...Kouta...like that? That's incest...and it's gross.**

**Bando: Your eyes got ripped out by Lucky, right? Than how come you can still see?**

**Nana: I love you! You're like the sister I've always wanted! (because my real sister is a pain...it doesn't help that were twins). You're so cute, and funny, and kind, and I love your hair - and I need to stop gushing. XD Do you look up to Kouta as a brother, or a father, or a friend?**

**Mayu: Same question. How do you view Kouta and Yuka?**

**Lucky: Is every female Diclonius have pink hair, and every male is bald? Is it true that your the only one that have babies, and the only way to make more Diclonius is through Vectors? Can a male and female Diclonius make more? And has anyone ever thought of you as Dr. Octopus?**

**Whoop! Such random questions... XD"**

_**Wolf**_: Yes a new reviewer and a new Elfen Lied fan! Welcome to the fandom ninjakat405!

_**Kaede/Lucy**_: Yay a new fan who will most likely attempt to either look up or draw porn of me.

_**Wolf**_: Lucy shut the hell up before you piss'em off and she won't return. Kouta your up.

_**Kouta**_: Hmm I think you haven't read the manga have you?

_**Wolf**_: I she has, you see the manga answers a whole lot of questions to the massive questions the anime left behind but I'll get these people to answer you regardless.

_**Kouta**_: Well I admit It wasn't Lucy I was really forgiving, It was Nyu. Even though Lucy did all those bad things if I had turned her away I would have been turning away Nyu as well, Nyu was innocent and I couldn't forsake her for something Lucy did. The nice hair and boobs where just a bonus.

_**Wolf**_: Oh for the love of god you just had to make a heartfelt speech completely pointless didn't you.

_**Yuka**_: Well I just loved Kouta, I don't know how to explain it but It something deep inside me.

_**Wolf**_: Oh be quiet Yuka, we all know that rape and incest are a huge part of anime and manga. But I know why you wanted Kouta so much. -_Puts on Overalls, a lumberjack shirt, and straw hat-_ Well Yuka here is just a bona fide country red neck I reckon.

_**Yuka**_: What I am not a red anything! You take that back.

_**Wolf**_: No child I don't take very kindly to empty threats, I do declare. Mister Bando if you would be so kind.

_**Bando**_: Yes she torn them up, oh I got new robotic eyes. Its suck though because now it looks like everything is drenched in piss.

_**Nana**_: Oh thank you so much! I love your hair too.

_**Mayu**_: But you can't even see it.

_**Nana**_: I'm just trying to be nice. I already have a father, he's more then a friend, but not a brother either. I guess Kouta is like my uncle or something.

_**Mayu**_: At first I didn't know what to think of Kouta because he just seemed to nice, I thought it was some kind of trick. But Kouta and Yuka have became like parents to me.

_**Yuka**_: Aw I love you two. -_Group Hug_-

(**Fun Fact: This is way to mushy.**)

_**Kaede/Lucy**_: Ah Wolf could you answer her.

_**Wolf**_: Ah I'm sorry most of you question for Lucy is explain in the manga and I don't want to spoil it for you if decide to read it. But Lucy can still answer the rest that was answer in the anime.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Yes its true only the queen, which is me can have children through sex. Using Vectors just spreads the Diclonius virus which makes more Silpelites. Silpelites are born sterile and can only make more Silpelites. Doctor who?

_**Wolf**_: Not Doctor who, Doctor Octopus, the guy with metal death arms coming out of his back kinda like yours except not invisible. Doctor Who is the guy who travels around time with an old fashion phone booth.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: What are you on Wolf? I've never meet or heard of this Doctor Octopus guy but I'm pretty sure I could beat him in a fight.

_**Wolf**_: Considering a teenager in full body tights that can climb walls and shoot spider webs can beat him I think your a safe bet.

_**Mayu**_: I think we need to send Wolf to rehab.

_**Wolf**_: Thank you _**ninjakat405**_, I hope that you that what little they could answer was enough. Time for question number two! Its are old pal _**Maiko2853 **_come to pay use a visit. _**Maiko2853 **_says:

**"Nana, what is it like trying to move your prosthetic limbs?**

**Mariko, (hands over a bowl of chicken noodles) would you please eat this and tell me how much you like or dislike it?**

**Yuka, my sympathy goes out to you for your molestations at the hands of Nyu. So your hetero and Kouta rejects you, so who are you going to go after now?**

**Kouta, you take up Nyu and Lucy on her offers, but reject Yuka and Nozomi's. What gives?**

**Bondo, many people assume you're against pedophilia because you beat up the Unknown Man for trying to rape Mayu. However, other people believe you just beat him up because he tried to hurt your friend. So is it one or both of these reasons for kicking his ass?**

**(hands over an aluminum baseball bat) You may need this in a few seconds Bondo.**

**Mayu, other than your mother, did you ever try to tell anyone what happened between you and your stepfather?**

**Nozomi, you have a lovely singing voice. But are you good at imitating other people's voices?**

**Kurama, what was it like being in a state of insanity after Mariko died?**

**Hiromi, you have your family now, so what are you going to do first?**

**Nousou, why do you like chocolate so much? I highly doubt it's because of your alleged pedophilia.**

**Barbara, you're free now and allowed to roam around, with the high prospect of a happy ahead of you. How does feel knowing you're going to be able to enjoy all the good things in the world now? Also, I just have to ask, who was Nousou bathing with that go you so riled up?**

**Lucy, you always complain about how humans are bad and evil. I realize you've had a hard life and your early experiences soured your opinion. But does this give you the right to do what you want while disregarding the opinion of everyone else, especially considering a large portion of your actions put you right in the same area as the Kakuzawa's?**

**Nyu, so you don't regret any of your actions... okay, if this is true, then why do you try to deny such situations take place in Maple House when the other residents bring it up?**

**Arakawa, (points at boobs) so how much did the implants cost?**

**Wolf, so how's your sanity holding up in there? You can rent out a space at my place if you need it."**

_**Wolf**_: Nana your up kid.

_**Nana**_: Don't call me a kid! At first It was a little tricky and sometimes when I lose focus my arms or my legs just pop right off. Although I did get use to it pretty fast.

_**Mariko**_: -_Looks at chicken soup funny_- What is this?

_**Hiromi**_: Its soup, honey. Here let me help you. -_Start feeds Mariko the soup_-

_**Mariko**_: mumm...Its good~ So delicious. What are those pink things?

_**Hiromi**_: Chicken dear, haven't you ever ate chicken before?

_**Wolf**_: She has never ate before period.

_**Mariko**_: -_Enter Adorable face_- I love chicken soup~

_**Kurama**_: I'll be sure to buy some later.

_**Yuka**_: Thank you at least someone cares. Hmm that's hard I mean pretty much male in the cast is either ugly as sin, or evil as hell, I'm pretty much stuck.

_**Wolf**_: Well Nousou reformed, and he is a pretty boy.

_**Nousou**_: No thank you she not my type.

_**Wolf**_: What if she was seven years younger and wearing a dress then would you go out with her?

_**Nousou**_: Shut up before I feed you to the clone Diclonius.

_**Wolf**_: Point taken. Kouta.

_**Kouta**_: Well Yuka is my cousin and I love her as my cousin, I might have pursued a relationship with Nozomi if I had never met Lucy and Nyu.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: -_Glares at Nozomi_- Don't get any ideas.

_**Nozomi**_: -_Curls into ball_- I won't, I won't, I won't, I-I wet myself.

_**Wolf**_: Bad Lucy -_Hits Lucy with a rolled up newspaper_- No threatening the harmless ones. Bando!

_**Bando**_: Both. Pedophiles are disgusting enough as it is but this prick -points to Unknown Man- was trying to rape an underage girl that I know so of course I'm gonna kick his ass. -_Takes bat_- Hey cool. -_Starts swinging it_- Why I'm I gonna need this for?

_**Mayu**_: I never told a soul, not mister Bando, not even Kouta or Yuka.

_**Kouta**_: Told us what?

_**Mayu**_: Nothing.

_**Wolf**_: What do you mean nothing? Your stepfather used to molest you on daily basis when you where like eleven to twelve years old.

_**Mayu**_: How did you know!

_**Wolf**_: I know everything.

_**Bando**_: He used to do WHAT! Where is that f*cker!

_**Wolf**_: Backstage.

_**Bando**_: I'll be right back.

_**Wolf**_: Oh please do take your time.

=_Backstage_=

_**Bando**_: Hey you do know a girl named Mayu?

_**Mayu's Mother**_: yes she used to be my daughter.

_**Bando**_: Are you Mayu's stepfather?

_**Mayu's Stepfather**_: Yes, just who are you?

_**Bando**_: I'm Bando motherf*cker. -_Raises Baseball bat_-

=_Front Stage_=

_**Wolf**_: Do you hear that? That's the sound of just desserts.

_**Mayu**_: It pays that my best friends are either really nice or psychopaths.

_**Nozomi**_: I'm not to good at imitating but I can do a pretty good Yuka.

_**Yuka**_: Oh lets hear it.

_**Nozomi**_: -_Imitating Yuka_- Kouta-kun will you go out on a date with me?

_**Yuka**_: That sounds nothin-

_**Kouta**_: Yuka for the last time, I will not go on a date with you.

_**Wolf**_: Damn she does a better Yuka impression then me.

_**Kurama**_: I felt like garbage, like trash. I felt like everything up to that point could have been avoided if I had just been a hypocrite. Every moment I just kept picture Mariko giving herself up to save me, a father who did nothing for her.

_**Mariko**_: Oh that's not true papa! The last few minutes of my life with you I was happier then I was in my entire life. -_Jump Hugs Kurama_-

_**Kurama**_: But everything is ok now I have two wonderful daughters and my beautiful wife.

(**Fun Fact: This part was so sweet I got diabetes.**)

_**Hiromi**_: I intend to live with my family like a normal wife would, and help Mariko and Nana better understand the world.

_**Nousou**_: Well of course its not cause I'm an alleged pedophile.

_**Wolf**_: I still stand by that.

_**Nousou**_: Well that's because your an idiot. I think my love for chocolate started when I was just a young boy, you see both my parents where doctors, my father was regular Doctor and my mother was a nutritionist. Because of that I never ate any candy. However one day when I was a boy it was white day, and this girl gave me tons of chocolate as a gift. She wanted me to eat it all saying that it would be rude if I didn't. So when I had that first bite I was hooked, now I eat chocolate everyday when ever I can.

_**Barbara**_: What good things? All I see is a bunch of monkeys.

_**Nousou**_: There are good things in life, here try this. -_Hands Barbara some chocolate_-

_**Barbara**_: What the hell is this?

_**Wolf**_: Just eat it.

_**Barbara**_: -_Munching on the chocolate_- ...

_**Wolf**_: Well?

_**Barbara**_: -_Tackles Nousou-_ GIVE ME THEM! THERE MINE! -_Takes Nousou's chocolate_-

_**Nousou**_: I think she likes them.

_**Wolf**_: Barbara finish the question.

_**Barbara**_: Nousou your not gonna stop me now, I'm sick and tired off Nousou taking bathes with Alicia, Cynthia, and Diana.

_**Nousou**_: Oh crap.

_**Barbara**_: I mean why don't I get a bath? Is it because there prettier then me? That can't be it where clones for god sake. So why don't you want to take a bath with me Nousou?

_**Nousou**_: Eh?

_**Barbara**_: Enough of that where going to take a bath now! -Picks up Nousou-

_**Nousou**_: How the hell are you this strong!

_**Wolf**_: Shes not even using her Vectors.

_**Barbara**_: -_Carries Nousou off stage_-

_**Wolf**_: Hmm Reverse rape. Lucy.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: I admit I've done some bad things in life.

_**Wolf**_: Some?

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: OK a lot of bad things, but I am sorry for most of it.

_**Wolf**_: Most?

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: I'm not sorry for killing that jerk who killed my puppy and his friends. In truth I don't hate all of the human race, some of them are just so good and nice but I'm jealous.

_**Wolf**_: Of what?

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Of the fact you don't have horns! I bet if I didn't have horns none of this every would have happened.

_**Kouta**_: Its OK Lucy I love you just the way you are. -Surpise Hug-

(**Fun Fact: This is still to mushy.**)

_**Nyu**_: I don't regret the groping but I don't want people to think I'm weird.

_**Wolf**_: Darling that ship has sailed.

_**Nyu**_: That's why I deny it, and I'm kind of embarased that I can't control myself.

_**Arakawa**_: -_Pulls lab coat tight around her body_- How dare you! I'll have you know that these are one-hundred percent real.

_**Wolf**_: -_Cough_-Realfake-_Cough_-

_**Arakawa**_: Hey screw you man!

_**Wolf**_: Oh shut up you virgin. My sanity is hardly intact thanks for asking, I would love to rent out a room but these cheap bastard don't pay me enough.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Your getting paid?

_**Kouta**_: Why aren't we?

_**Yuka**_: I want money for my pain and suffering!

_**Crowd**_: -_Chanting_- Pay us! Pay us! Pay us!

_**Wolf**_: The lot of you shut it before I re-kill you!

(**Fun Fact: I want money too!**)

_**Wolf**_: Oh shut up Fun Fact bar.

~End

I liked this one, don't know why I just do.


	8. Chapter 8

Hmm, I feel like only a few people are reviewing, I mean so far I've gotten like 15 reviews but at least 100+ people read it? Ah well I'm not gonna send any body on a guilt trip. I'm certainly not gonna be that kind of guy who constantly remind you to review. Just remember I do two reviews per chapter, more reviews=more chapters. Enough whining lets get on with it.

_**Names**_

"**Questions**"

-_Actions_-

=_Setting_=

I own nothing pertain to the Elfen Lied series.

_**Wolf**_: OK its chapter 8, I have 15 reviews, at least 100 readers. I say that's pretty good.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: No, not really. I've seen plenty of people with 8 chapters and hundreds of reviews.

_**Wolf**_: Lucy why are you such a bitch, is it because they killed your puppy? Get over it you whiny em-

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: -_Punches Wolf in the throat_-

_**Wolf**_: -_Gagging noise_- ahhhck! -_Choking noise_- A-ah you raging b*tch face how the hell can some one who has no hand-to-hand skills hit so hard.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: If you ever mention my puppy again I will personally castrate you.

_**Wolf**_: Fine, the puppy is off limits, but this shall not go unpunished. Enough of that time for questions, _**JonnaJacobsen**_ says:

**"Hey! I have a few questions:**

**Kaede, why didn't you kill Kouta at the end of the manga..? Surely it looks like your DNA-Voice has the f*cking best of you there, and what would happen if those "hallucinations" of you and Nyu weren't there..?**

**Arakawa and Nousou, are you two twins that were separated at birth, and just happened to meet at the Institution..?**

**Bando... Is Mayu's step-father still alive..? xD"**

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: If I wasn't there Kouta would have mostly likely been killed, but lets not forget my body was already dissolving so even If my DNA-Voice did kill Kouta she still would have died, still thank what ever god there is that she didn't.

_**Nousou**_: OK really why does everyone think we look alike? I look nothing like that filthy woman.

_**Arakawa**_: Get a life you chocolate eating Lolicon. I still stand by the fact I look nothing like that pedophile.

_**Nousou**_: B*tch your just for me to slap those fake tits off.

_**Arakawa**_: -_tackles Nousou_- I'LL KILL YOU FOR THAT!

_**Wolf**_: Nerd fight!

_**Bando**_: I don't think he'll much of problem any more.

_**Wolf**_: Next step, a question from our friend _**Maiko2853**_. _**Maiko2853 **_says:

**"Mayu, satisfied with your stepfathers punishment?**

**Nana, you honestly don't know where babies come from? (pulls Nana over and whispers into ear before stepping back) And that's where babies come from Nana-Chan!(grins)**

**Mariko, you gonna try building up your leg strength soon?**

**Kaede, so let me get this straight. Lucy is the evil side and Nyu is the good side? Okay, so why is the rapist deemed purely innocent when her actions are far from such?**

**Nozomi, sorry for getting you so much flack aimed at you from Yuka and Kaede/Lucy, but I honestly didn't expect them to be so hostile about it. And wait just a second! Didn't you already get past your potty problems in the Manga?**

**Yuka, so how come you can fend off Kouta's so called "perverted tendencies," but you can't fend off Nyu?**

**Arakawa, I'm truly sorry, I apologize; I completely and fully believe their 100 percent real... what I REALLY meant to ask is what bra do you wear to make your boobies looks so much bigger than they actually are? Also, did you remember to wash your clothes as well? It could be the reason why you still smell so bad.**

**Nousou, so how was the bath with Barbara? Also, you gonna release Cynthia, Alicia and Diana anytime soon, or are we still trying to decide whether that's a good idea or not?**

**Barbara, how the hell did you even know what a bath is? I didn't think Diclonius in the facility were even allowed to know what those are! Secondly... are you f*cking serious? You tried to kill Nousou a second time not because of what he did to the Diclonius, but because he didn't take a bath with you?**

**Kurama, so Nousou is officially the father of your daughters clones. How do you feel about this?**

**Hiromi, same question as Kurama... yeah I know it's an odd question, but I can't think of anything else to ask you two right now.**

**Anna, first off, sorry for calling you dumb. Secondly, I would like to point out those are other people's words, not mine. Thirdly, how many years did you spend in your "Goddess" shell?**

**Wolf, do you want me to recommend a good therapist? I think everyone here needs one BADLY."**

_**Mayu**_: hmm not yet.._.-__**evil grin-**_

_**Wolf**_: its always the quiet ones you have to watch out for.

_**Nana**_: Oh dear god, wait do all guys have that?

_**Wolf**_: Yes Nana all men have them.

_**Nana**_: Wait I asked my father to do that to me!

_**Wolf**_: Yup, now everyone thinks you like incest. Mariko.

_**Mariko**_: What's incest?

_**Wolf**_: You don't want to know, now answer the question.

_**Mariko**_: Of course I'm going to start, but I've got to get more nutrients to grow my muscles. If you send me more soup I bet it will help.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: I hey I'm not evil, I'm sort of in between. Nyu isn't a saint either.

_**Nyu**_: Well I'm a lot nicer then you Miss decapitation.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Your one to talk little Miss rapes alot.

_**Nyu**_: Touche.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Do you even know what that means?

_**Nyu**_: Nope but I heard it on TV.

_**Wolf**_: You don't know what it means but you used it properly, what sorcery is this?

_**Nozomi**_: Oh it's not your fault, thank you though. No, I never got over my little problem, but I did get better at controlling it so now I only do it when I'm scared, unfortunately Yuka & Kaede scare me.

_**Wolf**_: They scare everyone one.

_**Yuka**_: I am not scary.

_**Wolf**_: Oh yes you are, you freakin punch a hole in the wall just cause you where a little mad. I'm also afraid of Kouta.

_**Kouta**_: Why is that?

_**Wolf**_: Dude you slapped the sh*t out of like every female in the entire series! Yuka.

_**Yuka**_: Kouta maybe be perverted-

_**Kouta**_: I am not!

_**Yuka**_: But Nyu isn't just a pervert, she's a force of perverted nature. Its weird, its like she has no control.

_**Nyu**_: I possessed by the god of boobs?

_**Wolf**_: Is that a question or a statement?

_**Nyu**_: I don't know.

_**Arakawa**_: -_Tries to get away but Nousou puts her in a headlock-_

_**Wolf**_: Will the two of you stop fight before I feed you to the Unperfected Clones!

_**Nousou**_: OK fine. -_Releases Arakawa_-

_**Arakawa**_: -_Dusts herself off-_ Okay I accept your apology...GOD DAMMIT! Why does everyone think I use some kind of breast enhancement? These are my boobs, real, none altered tits. OK are we clear? -_Sniff clothes_- ...Oh that's what that smell is. Wait why does everyone else have clean clothes?

_**Wolf**_: Because I wash everyone's clothes, you never put your clothes in the hamper.

_**Arakawa**_: There is a hamper? Well can you wash my clothes?

_**Wolf**_: Sorry but your sh*t outta luck, I only wash them once a month and I just washed everyone's clothes yesterday.

_**Arakawa**_: F*ck my life.

_**Nousou**_: Yes f*ck your life. The bath was certainly...something. Well I might release them but I don't plan on releasing Diana because I pretty sure she be really mad, you know about the whole heart stab thing.

_**Barbara**_: Because when I was under control by that mind control thing, I can still remember what happens. Every day Nousou would come in and take either of us to take a bath, I didn't know what a bath was but I figured it was great since Nousou came back looking satisfied and which ever one he took came back with her hair smelling really good. I figured a bath involved water since when ever the people in the institute blasted me with cold water from a hose they called it a bath. Hey what he did to the Diclonius was part of my motive, plus have you got any idea how much it sucks to get blasted with hose of ice cold water while your sisters get to take a nice warm bath on a daily basis? I was stuck nearly getting frozen while those three got to be in a hot tub.

_**Kurama**_: I don't like it one bit, but I'm torn between my hate for Chief Kakuzawa and my desire to punch Nousou in the face.

_**Nousou**_: Hey he made me do it, It could have been any other Diclonius but he chose your daughter.

_**Hiromi**_: I don't want any child even resembling my Mariko-chan to be in the company of that man.

_**Nousou**_: There just mad cause kids like me.

_**Kurama**_: No where mad cause you might be molesting a little girl that is in exact copy of my daughter.

_**Nousou**_: Allegedly.

_**Wolf**_: That's right allegedly. Anna came you come here with your half-brother?

_**Anna**_: Oh you mean this little guy? -_brings out nameless boy_-

_**Nana**_: Oh another Diclonius?

_**Wolf**_: Nope, he's not just a regular Diclonius.

_**Nana**_: Wait did you say he?

_**Wolf**_: Yes behold Diclonius -_hold up nameless Diclonius boy Lion King Style_- your King!

_**Nameless Boy**_: Onee-tama! -_gets free from my grip and hugs Lucy's leg-_

_**Yuka**_: Aw that's adorable.

_**Kouta**_: Kaede why didn't you tell me you had a brother?

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Because I killed him before I even knew his name. -_Tries to get N. Boy of her leg_-

_**Wolf**_: Protagonist my ass. Alright Anna your up.

_**Anna**_: Oh no worries, thanks for apologizing. Who's words? I think...um...uh between...5 & 10...I think.

_**Wolf**_: Oh dear god yes! These people are like a walking dementia factory, if it wasn't for the laptop in my room I would have hung myself days ago.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Are we really all that bad? -_Still trying to get the Boy off_-

_**Wolf**_: No your much worse.

~End

OK your reading this (Which I doubt many of you are) I'm going to put up a poll on my profile to see what I should call Lucy/Keade's little brother. If you want you can donate a name and I'll add it to the poll. Poll opens December 1st ends December 5th. So send in those names by PM or Review.


	9. Chapter 9

Today I'm doing three reviews!

Welcome back once again! OK I want to remind you that right now I'm doing a poll on my profile to give Lucy/Keade's half-brother a name. I've gotten one name donated and have one more name slot open, so if you want to name him just send me a name I'll put it on the poll and if it gets the most votes then that will be his name. Remember R&R and vote on the poll.

_**Names**_

"**Questions**"

-_Actions_-

Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to the Elfen Lied series.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Wolf<strong>_: OK where bac-

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: GET THIS F*CKING KID OF ME! -_Still trying to get Nameless Boy off her leg_-

_**Wolf**_: God damn will you quiet down, you act like he's sucking your blood or something.

**Lucy/Kaede**: He hasn't let me go the entire time since the last chapter.

_**Wolf**_: You tried using your vectors to pry him off?

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: That's the first thing I tried, I've tried crowbars, grease, butter, everything! It's like he's fused onto my leg.

_**Wolf**_: Aww that means he loves you.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: I don't care what it means just get him off me!

_**Wolf**_: Jeez you killed the kid and he still loves you, now you want him to hate you? Seriously your more confused then a transsexual.

_**Nana**_: A train sexual? What's that?

_**Wolf**_: OK new rule is to never mention anything sexual to Nana or Mariko because I'm not gonna explain every little thing to these two.

_**Kurama**_: Because of you I might have to put my kids into advanced sex education classes.

_**Wolf**_: Yeah sorry about that, **JonnaJacobsen** says:

**I forgot a few questions... xD**

**"Kaede, really why did you kill your half-brother..? I understand that you killed Kakuzawa Senior, but why your brother..? And don't give me the "mankind would surely me killed completely off if I didn't" excuse, because it is bullsh*t... Think of how hot he could become if he grew up! :'O That and many other reasons...**

**Mayu, you lived on the street, how did you really survive..? I know that baker woman gave you food, but other than that, how..? How did you avoid rape and/or assault..?**

**Bando, another embarrassing question for you... Are you a virgin..? We never hear about your private life, so I have been kinda wondering... And you also said that you wanted children, lots of them too... What would you teach them..? Seeming that you have killed a lot of people"**

_**Wolf**_: Lucy stop screwing around and answer the question.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: I'm not "screwing around" this kid is glued to my leg.

_**Nameless Boy**_: Onee-Tama!

_**Wolf**_: For the love of god woman just accept it and answer the question.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Fine. ...Seriously I my supposed to care about if my half-brother would grow up to be attractive? His my brother! It's true that I did regret killing him, but if he was left alive there would have been a good chance that he would have ended up like me. He was better off dead then ending up either killing off the human race or ending up inside some kind of lab.

_**Wolf**_: Wait so killing him was in your own way a form of mercy?

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: I guess so.

Wolf: Maybe your not such a complete monster after all.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Was that meant to be a compliment? Because if it was you really suck at them.

Wolf: -_Shrugs_- Maybe I do, Mayu go ahead.

_**Mayu**_: Hm, well I stayed in the shack at the beach most of the time, I got lucky a few times finding some yen on the street but other then that I had nothing. Believe me since I wasn't wearing any pants I tended to get looked over but oddly no one tried anything.

_**Wolf**_: I guess they must have thought you a cop or something, I mean really if I go outside and see a girl half-naked I'm not gonna try anything cause the first thought that pops into to my head is "She either a diseases carrying wh*re or its a trap." paranoia is good.

_**Mayu**_: I guess that makes sense.

_**Wolf**_: It makes perfect sense! Bando.

_**Bando**_: WHAT! OF COURSE I'M NOT A VIRGIN! _-Flexes his muscles-_ I MEAN REALLY LOOK A MY BODY! I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A REALTIONSHIP BUT I'VE HAD SEX!

_**Wolf**_: Stop yelling! People hate caps. Wait so you just had sex with loose women or pros?

_**Bando**_: Yeah pretty much. As for what I would teach my kids, I would teach them the basics of survival, how to hunt, fish, train, you know all the things I normal person knows.

_**Wolf**_: What you describe as being a normal person I describe as being a freaking warrior in training.

_**Bando**_: -_Shrugs_-

_**Wolf**_: OK time for our second review of the day! _**Melchizedek **_says:

**I'm liking what I'm seeing so far. But here are a few questions I've been curious about.**

**"Kaede, do you like Kouta as just a really good friend? or as someone you wanted to take further like making a family with and stuff like that? If so do you really think you'd make a good mother figure?**

**Kouta, whenever Nyu would allow you to do perverted things with her did you ever feel the temptation to take it further? This then goes back to Kaede to which if it really did go that far, do you think Nyu would tell you about it?**

**Yuka, . . . . you do know that Kouta is your cousin right? Like he is blood related to you. I know Japan is fine with relationships between cousins, but still . . . . ehh.**

**Nana, was number 3 your sister?**

**Mayu, if you had a chance would you get vengeance against your step-dad for what he did to you?**

**Kakuzawa Sr & Jr, did either of you for moment believed what you were doing was wrong or at least for just a brief moment felt guilt that you were hurting people?**

**Nousou, how can you sleep at night after doing things that would make a serial killers stomach turn?"**

_**Wolf**_: Lucy you got some splainin to do.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Worst. Joke. Ever.

_**Wolf**_: Oh come on Its hard OK, I'm great at jokes as it is but you could at least not call me on it.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Fair enough. Well I never considered having a family...I suppose I wouldn't mind it, being a mother figure kind of scares me.

_**Wolf**_: The great and powerful queen Diclonius Lucy scared by a little motherhood, something mind you that regular human female do daily all around the world. I guess Kakuzawa's idea of creating a perfect species was flawed from the get go.

_**C. Kakuzawa**_: Silence ape!

_**Wolf**_: Horned Monkey! Lucy please continue.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Well if I did become a mother I would try my best to be the greatest mom I could be.

_**Nana**_: That's if Kouta agrees to make babies with you.

_**Wolf**_: Agree? Hell they already tried. I bet Nyu even joined in.

_**Kouta**_: Why do you hate me?

_**Wolf**_: I don't hate you, I just love putting your personal life on blast. Kouta answer you question.

_**Kouta**_: Well I was really tempted to but I was more confused, I mean women don't just make you squeeze there breasts.

_**Wolf**_: If only.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: She tells me everything, even the thing I don't want to hear.

_**Yuka**_: Actually where related by marriage not blood. Oh, of course know that.

_**Nana**_: Who?

_**Kurama**_: I'm not allowed to release that information.

_**Nana**_: Seriously, Who?

_**Kakuzawa Sr. & Jr.**_: Nope.

_**Wolf**_: Can you guys stop answer question with one word! I mean so a little character, stop being so flipping transparent!

_**Crowd**_: Nope.

_**Wolf**_: Some day I'll leave you people here to rot, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, be soon. Oh so soon.

_**Nousou**_: Eat so much chocolate that I get the greatest sugar rush of the century, then when my high goes down I pass out.

_**Wolf**_: That sounds unnaturally unhealthy.

_**Nousou**_: Not really, when I have a sugar rush I work out like crazy and I only drink water, I think I would hang myself if I got diabetes.

_**Wolf**_: Classy, so the thought of not eating chocolate makes you want to die, but the thought of mass murder just makes it a bit hard to sleep.

_**Nousou**_: Yeah pretty much.

_**Wolf**_: You guys all need help, alright next review is from are good friend_** Maiko2853:**_

**"Mayu, how exactly did you manage to convince yourself into staying at Maple House after at least three heavily sexual incidences? I mean, two of them looked like the local managers taking advantage of Nyu, and the third involving Nyu taking advantage of you directly.**

**Nana, when you were first shown in the manga, you had a large number of some pretty nasty looking wounds covering your body. What happened to them?**

**Mariko, of course sweetie, you can have all the soup you want! Here some tomato soup, some potato soup and my favorite, some clam chowder with a big glass of orange juice!... and a bowl of carrots, gotta eat your veggies! (pats Mariko's head before stepping back and watching her go cute mode)**

**Kouta, sorry man, but I just realized you already posses a harem. It's just there technically all the same person. I also realized, HAHA, it sucks to be you! Kouta my friend, you have two psychopathic murderers and a rapist for your harem! AHAHAHAHA!**

**Yuka, will you please stop hitting Kouta? It's not really helping your case by making everything believe he's a male domestic violence survivor. Then again, I think we might have to worry more about Lucy in that regard.**

**Kaede, you know, if your here, and everyone else alive is here, then that means everyone you've ever killed is here. How does it make you feel, especially knowing you're going to have to face Kouta's father and his little sister, Kanae?**

**Arakawa, here's some quarters, there's a laundry place just down the street. Now PLEASE go wash your clothes. Nobody, ESPECIALLY Wanta, should have to face that smell.**

**Nousou, I can't think of anything to ask you, but here are some Swiss chocolates. Sorry, I'll come up with something next chapter.**

**Barbara, okay, I really have to ask this. I know you wanted to take a bath, but WHY did you drag Nousou of all people in with you?**

**Bondo, were you aware that Nyu has been groping Mayu?**

**Wolf, here's the name of the therapist. Now get you and the rest of these psychotic bastards in there before I take matters into my own hands!"**

_**Mayu**_: Desperation, pure and simple desperation. It was either stay at the maple inn or go back to the shack on the beach. So warm home with people who may or may not ended up trying something perverted or cold shack on the beach with sand in your underwear, which would you chose?

_**Wolf**_: Very good point.

_**Nana**_: I got better.

_**Kurama**_: You would be surprised at how fast Diclonius heal.

_**Mariko**_: Oh what's this one called Mom?

_**Hiromi**_: clam chowder.

_**Mariko**_: Mm Its so creamy~ -I_ndescribable adorable face_-

_**Wolf**_: Its so cute that my eyes burn! Its like opening the ark of the covenant.

_**Kurama**_: Say thank you Mariko.

_**Mariko**_: Thank you Mariko!

_**Wolf**_: No he mean to say thank you to Mari- Wait that was a really bad pun.

_**Mariko**_: Was it? Or are you just mad you didn't think of it?

_**Wolf**_: Oh come on your supposed to have little to no social skill but you can still make a pun? What sorcery is this?

_**Mariko**_: Are you trying to give yourself a catchphrase because if you are just stop now.

_**Wolf**_: If you weren't in a wheel chair, a little girl, not related to Kurama, and not Diclonius I might think about hitting you.

_**Mariko**_: Yeah like that will ever happen.

_**Wolf**_: Just eat your soup.

_**Kouta**_: Don't quite understand what's so bad about that? I mean anime is full of Harems and mine certainly isn't the most crazy.

_**Wolf**_: Anime and manga in general is like a really sexy acid trip.

_**Yuka**_: I don't beat Kouta up, I just hit him when I find him doing something pervert or just very rude, unfortunately for Kouta every time I see him he's either doing nothing, cleaning, or being a rude pervert.

_**Kouta**_: I swear all those time where just misunderstandings.

_**Yuka**_: Like that time I caught you about to stick it Nyu and the same night you screamed at her? Rude and perverted.

_**Kouta**_: I told you I was just trying to change her clothes cause they where wet.

_**Yuka**_: Yeah sure whatever.

_**Kaede/Lucy**_: ...Damn I forgot about them...

_**Wolf**_: Oh don't worry there still backstage so unless someone asks them a question you'll be safe. Although now that I said that I imagine someone is going to ask them a question now.

_**Arakawa**_: Thanks -_Runs outside_-

_**Kaede/Lucy**_: Aren't you going to stop her?

_**Wolf**_: Nah I have top men following her.

_**Kaede/Lucy**_: Who?

_**Wolf**_: Top. Men. Although I am going to have to arrange a little accident for Arakawa.

_**Yuka**_: What kind of accident?

_**Wolf**_: Do you honestly think I can let her lose that stench? I can't kill the gag now.

_**Nousou**_: No worries. -_Starts eating chocolate_-

_**Barbara**_: -_Reaches for chocolate_- Hey give me some before I kill you again.

_**Nousou**_: -_Raises chocolate out of Barbara's reach_- say please.

_**Barbara**_: -_Pouts_- Please give me some chocolate before I kill you again.

_**Nousou**_: Good enough. -_Hands Barbara some chocolate_-

_**Wolf**_: Holy Carp (Yes I meant to say carp) Nousou is sharing! Its a Christmas miracle!

_**Barbara**_: I thought you need two people to take a bath.

_**Wolf**_: No not really its just that you lack any kind of social interaction that you didn't know that anyone can take a bath at anytime, well except Arakawa.

_**Bando**_: I feel conflicted, I should stop Nyu from molesting Mayu but Mayu hasn't said anything. Ah well I guess It would be easier to just kill Nyu.

_**Kaede/Lucy**_: I'd like to see you try.

_**Wolf**_: Finally! I'm calling this guy ASAP.

_**Random Guy In a black Suit**_: -_Takes number and rips it up_-

_**Wolf**_: HOLY MAGICARP! -_Jumps out of chair-_ Who the hell are you and how did you get behind me?

_**Random Guy in a black Suit**_: That's none of your concern, listen up, if you try and seek any kind of psychiatric aid will be forced to shut you down

_**Wolf**_: You can't censor me!

_**Random Guy**_: Try us.

_**Wolf**_: Us?

_**Random Guy**_: I've said to much. -_Disappears_-

_**Nana**_: He dropped something.

_**Wolf**_: -_Picks it up_- Its a business card from Shueisha Publishing Co., Ltd. Crap they can censor me.

~End

* * *

><p>Believe me I don't think any kind of psychiatric doctor can help these nutcases.<p> 


	10. Chapter 10 and a half

Now its time. Time for the tenth! The double digit. The almighty! Tenth chapter! All hail the tenth chapter in all it's glorious glory.

OK enough of that, since it's the tenth chapter and I haven't done a chapter in...five days, I'm going to be doing two updates instead of one! So this chapter will have the answers to Thecakeisalie & Maiko2853's questions and the next chapter will have Melchizedek & Themulchmeister's questions.

_**Name **_(Bold Italics,Characters and Reviews are both highlighted)

**Questions**(Bold)

Speech (Unhighlighted)

-_Actions_-(Italics in between two dashes)

=_Setting_= (Italics in between two equals)

Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to Elfen Lied.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Wolf<strong>_: These five days have felt like fifteen not four.

_**Yuka**_: You bastard...you left us here to die...we had to eat one of Nana's fake legs to survive...

_**Mayu**_: What did we ever do to you Wolf? why? why did you abandon us?

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: He was probably looking at younger, prettier anime's while we trusted him...

_**Yuka**_: Yeah Wolf did you enjoy those pretty little *hores?

_**Wolf**_: Oh stop being so freaking dramatic, I left you guys with enough ramen and water to live for a week.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Did you ever stop and think "Oh there's way more people in the back so this isn't enough food."

_**Wolf**_: oh...OH yeah I forgot about them.

_**Nana**_: -Sits in corner and sobs- They took my leg...again.

_**Wolf**_: Oh you guys are total wusses, I lived a whole five days off chicken broth and tap water so don't bitch about being hungry. Enough of you whining and let get on with the show, Thecakei-

_**Yuka**_: NO! Where not answering questions till we get food!

_**Wolf**_: Jeez, OK let me a see...-Search's through bag-...Here I got some chips. -_Holds up some generic brand chips_-

_**Yuka**_: There mine! -_Tries to snatch chips_-

_**Mayu**_: Back off! -_Also tries to grab chips_-

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: I'm the main character so I deserve them. -_Grabs chips with her Vectors_-

_**Nana**_: -_Snatches chips with her Vectors_- You guys ate my leg! I deserve them! -_Yuka, Mayu, and Lucy pile on Nana_-

_**Wolf**_: Oh come on! You can't be this hungry...wait this gives me a great Idea! You take a bunch of attractive women, starve them, then have them fight over meals, who ever reaches a certain number of eaten meals is the winner of half-million yen!

_**Kouta**_: I'm pretty sure that's illegal and unethical.

_**Kurama**_: Isn't half-million yen only a little below six thousand five hundred American dollars?

_**Wolf**_: Screw ethics! F*ck the police! Who cares? People have done worse things for less.

_**Group**_: -_Lucy, Nana, Mayu, and Yuka are still wrestling over the chips-_

_**Wolf**_:...**ENOUGH**! -_Grabs chips and eats them_- its time to answer questions!

_**Mayu**_: evil lolicon...

_**Wolf**_: Mayu I suggest you take that back before I tell them.

_**Mayu**_: I surrender!

_**Wolf**_: Damn straight you surrender. _**Thecakeisalie **_says:

**"Ok! So Lucy what do you think of humananity in all? Nothing bad I hope. And what happened to the whole coexisting what humans thing? And one more thing Lucy do you think that there will be a Diclonius rights act. Or bill for the fair treatment of Diclonius by humans?"**

_**Wolf**_: Lucy if you would.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: In all? I could take it or leave it. For some reason human's don't believe in coexisting, most of them are all "She has horns! Lets get her!" No, I don't think humanity wants anything to do with Diclonius. Only a handful of human's understand.

_**Wolf**_: oh what a load! Humans can't live with Diclonius, I even have a theory to prove why Diclonius are a total danger to humanity and a different theory to prove why even if Diclonius did take over the earth they would die out.

_**Kouta**_: What are you a professor now?

_**Wolf**_: Boy you really shouldn't challenge my authority, I mean your the woman in the relationship.

_**Bando**_: I gotta admit I thought that was funny.

_**Kouta**_: I am not!

_**Wolf**_: Face it your Lucy's B*tch.

_**Kouta**_: Dammit...ah! What's wrong with that? She's a hot girl and I'd be proud to be her uke.

_**Wolf**_: Oh Kouta you fell right in to my evil plan.

_**Kouta**_: What are you-

_**Yuka**_: Kouta-kuuuuuun I have a surprise for you~

_**Kouta**_: Yuka put down the baseball bat! -Backs away from Yuka-

_**Wolf**_: Kouta why do you think my name is Wolf? Its not cause I like Wolves, it because if you f*ck with me I'll kill you. _**Mariko2853 **_says:

**"Mayu, why do you wear a bra? Yeah, I know, a bit of an odd question. But the reason I ask is because you're probably the only female character who's explicitly shown to wear one. To be honest, with the exception of Mariko, you have the smallest breasts among the characters, so it stands out to me that you'd be wearing one.**

**Nana, how did you manage to live with Nyu all through the months and not run away? I mean, with boobs as big as yours, you must have been like a magnet to that girl.**

**Mariko, how much are you enjoying the various foods you're trying for the first time? Also, here's my favorite food, pepperoni pizza.**

**Barbara, so did you ever get back your vector privileges, or are you still too high tempered to convince Wolf to give them back to you? Also, I HAVE BEEN IGNORNANT! SHAME ON ME FOR ONLY GIVING MARIKO GOODIES! HERE'S SOME PEPPERONI PIZZA! (shoves pizza into Barbara's mouth)**

**Yuka, for peat sakes. Here's a copy of the manga. Now read it and learn the truth about your non-perverted cousin, Kouta.**

**Nozomi, how did you and Yuka meet and become friends? Did you ever tell Yuka the reason you stayed at Maple House so often was because of your families harsh reaction to you wanting to sing?**

**Kouta, so last chapter we found out that Yuka is your cousin by marriage, not blood. Care to explain where your idea of not getting together with her is coming from again then?**

**Senior K, there is one question out of all questions about Elfen Lied that has never left me and is probably the biggest of all the series questions... HOW THE F*CK DID YOU GUYS MANAGE TO KEEP MORE THAN THOUSAND DICLONIOUS LOCKED AND SECURED WHEN YOU IDIOTS COULDN'T EVEN KEEP A THREE YEAR OLD GIRL, A.K.A. NUMBER THREE, FROM GETTING OUT OF HER RESTRAINTS?**

**Nousou, did you ever think about coming with methods to disable Diclonius' vectors? Think about it for a second, if humans had a method to disable the Diclonius' vectors, even if only temporarily, then there would be less or no reason to fear or discriminate against them. Not that you assholes had any even remotely justifiable reasons to do the unforgivingly horrifying things you've done to begin with. But hey, at least you can make sure that no idiot is going to try it again if he has no reason to fear them.**

**By the by, there is one other question I do want to ask you. Why DIDN'T you ever take a bath with Barbara?**

**Nyu, so you can't control your perverted tendencies?... You know what, forget what Kaede said about you, you're just as bad as Lucy. The only difference is that you are a lot nicer than she is.**

**Arakawa, despite my jokes I actually DO believe their real. But here's my problem with this. Why doesn't Nyu grope you like crazy? I mean your boobies are the biggest ones in the entire series! She should be squeezing them so hard that they have bruises from top to bottom!**

**Wolf, do you just there and wait for me to review or something?"**

_**Mayu**_: uh...I...I need to wear a bra because...um..I need to.

_**Wolf**_: She wears a padded bra, she is totally flat, like a pancake.

_**Mayu**_: F*CK YOU!

_**Kouta**_: Mayu! I had no idea you swore!

_**Yuka**_: Mayu's the last person I would have imagined to swear at anyone!

_**Nana & Mariko**_: What does F*CK mean papa?

_**Kurama**_: Dammit...

_**Wolf**_: What? She wouldn't answer you truthfully so I answered for her.

_**Nana**_: I have big boobs? I thought there where normal? Does that mean I a freak?

_**Wolf**_: Says the girl with horns.

_**Nana**_: Nyu has never touched Nana's breast, I don't know why?

_**Nyu**_: Because your always wearing the lose fitting shirts, they hide your size.

_**Wolf**_: Jesus Nyu you need to get help.

_**Mariko**_: Thanks for all the yummy food, what's pizza?

_**Wolf**_: Oh its a yummy vegetable.

(**Fun Fact: Congress declared that the amount of tomato paste on a pizza is enough to be called a single serving of vegetables.**)

_**Wolf**_: Fun Fact bar get the f*ck out of here! I fired your ass.

(_**Fun Fact: Screw you man I got a degree in art.**_)

_**Wolf**_: The most useless degree there is, your a failure.

(**Fun Fact: Your nothing without me! NOTHING!)**

_**Wolf**_: Wrong buddy you've got it all mixed up, now leave!

_**Yuka**_: Kouta I think Wolf has finally cracked under pressure.

_**Kouta**_: Me and Kurama are planning on dumping him in a insane asylum so don't worry.

_**Barbara**_: thif fiz rere goud*

(Translation: This is really good.)

_**Wolf**_: She refused to not to kill anyone when she feels like it, so until she learns some self control she's not getting her invisible death arms back.

_**Yuka**_: -_Reading_-...-_Reading_-...-_Reading_-...

_**Wolf**_: Well?

_**Yuka**_: I'm a really that much of an abusive b*tch

_**Kouta**_: If I said yes would you hit me?

_**Yuka**_: yes.

_**Kouta**_: Then no, not at all.

_**Nozomi**_: We met while taking the entry exams, she was really impressed when she found out I got the highest score. When I told her my secret passion was singing she was even more amazed, she wanted to hear me sing so I told her why I was so reluctant because of my father, so she invited me to the maple inn to sing and that's how it started.

_**Kouta**_: I'm just not in to her, she more like a angry sister to me.

_**Yuka**_: -_To busy reading to care_-

_**Wolf**_: Kouta that was the best luck you ever had.

_**C. Kaku**_:...It wasn't mine fault it was Kurama!

_**Kurama**_: Oh shut up old man just tell the truth!

_**Wolf**_: What?

_**Kurama**_: To save funds he decide that a few of restraints could be bought from China for half the price as the rest, sure enough Number 3 was restrained my those same Chinese straps.

_**Wolf**_: Cheap bastard. Cheap Chinese crap.

_**Nousou**_: I wasn't allowed to research the Vectors, it was all DNA this, clone that, take spines, really my job really was boring as hell. But you know now that I'm alive again I could always try to get a job at the other research lab to work on Vectors. Maybe I can make it so humans and Diclonius can live together. -_Huge light from above shines on Nousou while a choir of women start chanting Hallelujah_-

_**Wolf**_: -_Preacher Voice_- Nousou has become the second coming! He has sinned and done the deeds of Satan! But no! Nousou repented his sin and now aims to do god's work! He is saved! Hallelujah!

_**Nousou**_: Because I always wanted to save her for later, for some reason she stood out from all the other clones.

_**Wolf**_: Wait you can tell the clones apart just by looking at them?

_**Nousou**_: Yes I can, I don't even have to call there names to tell them apart.

_**Wolf**_: What wizardry is this?

_**Mariko**_: Still not working.

_**Wolf**_: Dammit no one asked you! Go back to eating your pizza.

_**Nyu**_: Oh come on its not my fault, whenever I see a big, soft, supple, warm, -_starts drooling- pair of tits_- I just can't control myself.

_**Wolf**_: God Nyu close your mouth before a bird nests in there.

_**Arakawa**_: Because I always make sure to hide my breasts from prying eyes.

_**Wolf**_: -_Starts laughing_-

_**Arakawa**_: What's so funny?

_**Wolf**_: You can't hind a damn thing! You walked around a island in nothing but your underwear while there was a huge battle going on, you pretty much shoved your special area in Kouta's face without wearing panties, and you made a deal to be a sex slave.

_**Alucard Flag K./Unknown Man**_: Pleasure slave.

_**Wolf**_: Same thing.

_**Yuka**_: -_Stops reading_- Wait she did what to Kouta?

_**Lucy & Nyu**_: Wolf would you repeat that middle part?

_**Wolf**_: She shoved her p**sy near Kouta's face, without Kouta consent of course.

_**Kouta**_: Oh thank god you added the last part.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Hey Arakawa tell me do you want it at the top of your spine, the middle of your neck, or the bottom of your skull? -Cracks her knuckles-

_**Wolf**_: B*tch you better run.

~End

* * *

><p>Arakawa we hardly knew ya.<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

Hmm I took a small hiatus to fix up a few minor errors in my early chapters, however there still not one hundred percent perfect. I don't really know if I'm going to keep editing them so whatever. Oh and I know I said I would give Kaede's brother a name like a while ago but I forgot so I'm doing it this chapter. Today I'm doing four different reviews. Let's get it started people! -_RAVE DANCE- _

_**Name **_(Bold Italics,Characters and Reviews are both highlighted)

**Questions**(Bold)

Speech (Unhighlighted)

-_Actions_-(Italics in between two dashes)

=_Setting_= (Italics in between two equals)

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to Elfen Lied.**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Wolf<strong>_: Hark, I hath returneth once more. Bring upon to me thou concubines of the Elfen Lied series.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Why are you talking like that?

_**Yuka**_: What the hell is a concubine?

_**Wolf**_: Dunno -_shrugs_-, it means wonderful people.

_**Yuka**_: I can't help but feel like your lying to me.

_**Wolf**_: -_grins_- Oh you can trust me Yuka.

_**Yuka**_: You have the face of a rapist.

_**Wolf**_: Is it the moustache?

_**Yuka**_: No, but it certainly doesn't help.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Aren't we supposed to be doing something?

_**Wolf**_: Oh yes I almost forgot. -_Rips Lucy's little brother off her leg_-

_**Lucy**_/_**Kaede**_: -_Visibly shocked_- How the hell did you just do that when I couldn't even get him off with my Vectors?

_**Wolf**_: Magic. Today is the day mah boy, your new name is Kokuou!

_**Kokuou**_: Koku? -_Latches on to Lucy's leg again_-

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Kokuou? I guess it makes sense.

_**Wolf**_: It makes perfect sense! After all he is the King so why not name him King.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: So who named him?

_**Wolf**_: One person.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: You mean that name won by one vote?

_**Wolf**_: No only one person voted, and they chose Kokuou.

_**Kokuou**_: Onee-tama! -_Squeezes Lucy's leg harder_-

_**Lucy**_/**Kaede**_**: **_Some one call a ambulance, he's cutting off my circulation.

_**Wolf**_: Enough of you meaningless gripes Lucy its time to go to work!

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: This kid is killing me and that meaningless to you!

_**Wolf**_: Damn straight. _**Melchizedek**_ asks:

**BTW Wolf, would do you keep calling Kaede 'Keade'? Are you trying to purposely piss her off?**

**Kohta, what is your secret? You've been in so many life threatening/endangering situations yet you always manage to survive with all your limbs attached. So do you like have the blessing of god, the devil's luck, or the nine lives of a cat? Because maybe like half of the Elfen Lied cast can learn something from you. Especially Bando *cough* *cough***

**Kaede, you do care for Nyu don't you? In the middle of the series you went as far as willingly surrendering your life in order for Nyu to continue living for you. Of course you could have faked being her yet you put her first. Plus at the very end you sincerely believed in her that Diclonius and humans can truly coexist. **

**Back to Kouta's father and Kanae, seriously after hearing her circumstance can you forgive Kaede's actions against you? On first impressions, I thought you both were a lot like Kouta in his ability to forgive and understand. **

**Mayu, watching your actions through the entire series are you like completely turned off from men? Or from intimate relationships altogether? Or do you think you might give it another chance? **

**Nana, I know you're a very nice girl who doesn't want to hurt anyone. But in relation to the man in black and what he did to number twenty-eight, do you think for that one case you would have been willing to take a life? **

**Yuka, I can understand Nozomi not doing anything to repel Nyu due to her shy nature. But you beat on Kouta's for crying out loud! I mean from a certain perspective Nyu must have been very good with her hands as they were like kyptonite to you as you were weak in the knees in no time. So come on Yuka, you must have liked it? even just a bit . . . **

**Nozomi, did your father ever allow you to sing by the end of it all? **

**Anna, how did you get out of the cave? And did you really eat that over-sized version of yourself?**

_**Wolf**_: Ohhohoho~ I don't see any proof of that do you? -_Raises eyebrow_-

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: What the hell is up with that laugh?

_**Wolf**_: At least I can laugh Lady Emoalot.

_**Mariko**_: That was just sad.

_**Nana**_: It really was.

_**Wolf**_: Can I go through one chapter without getting critiqued?

_**Crowd**_: Nope.

_**Wolf**_: And you wonder why I hate you people.

_**Bando**_: What do you mean "You People?"

_**Wolf**_: Oh shut up Bando, you aren't even black.

_**Kouta**_: Well I have been shot twice in a timeframe of a week I wouldn't say I'm to lucky. But Hey I might just have lots of stored up good karma.

_**Wolf**_: Karma would also explain why Bando got ripped up, and it also explains why he would survive getting ripped in half.

_**Bando**_: F*ck karma.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Well she is me in a sense, and we do share the same body, so I have to care for her regardless. Hey me giving her total control of the body was just so I could be with Kouta without being hunted like a damn dog. Plus I was still alive in the brain so I saw everything.

_**Wolf**_: Ohhoho~ So you did it for some sexy time with Kouta?

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: -_Beet red blush_- S-shut up! -_Punches wolf_-

_**Wolf**_: So worth it.

_**Kouta**_: My father is still not really happy, he thinks I've gone insane even after all told him everything. Kanae is a little more forgiving but is still afraid of Lucy.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: -_fidgets around in her chair_- Would you mind telling your sister I'm really sorry about that whole bisection thing.

_**Wolf**_: wow so nonchalant.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: What! Its really weird. How do you tell someone your sorry for killing them.

_**Wolf**_: Good question. I'm not a genius but I'm certainly no idiot and even I don't know that. Wait aren't your family members out here Kouta?

_**Kouta**_: My dad won't let Kanae out here, and she is to scared regardless.

_**Wolf**_: I'll have to convince them myself next time.

_**Mayu**_: Well my bad experiences haven't helped but I still believe they is someone out there for my, my soul mate.

_**Wolf**_: Hopeful thinking will get you nowhere in life.

_**Nana**_: You're a monster.

_**Wolf**_: Nah I'm just a cynic.

_**Nana**__:_ Well...I don't want to be a killer, but...I think I would make an exception just this once.

_**Wolf**_: -_Poker face_- I have no smartass comment to make at that statement.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: For once.

_**Yuka**_: -_Blushes_- No...I just happen to really sensitive OK. There is no way I enjoyed that ecchi stuff.

_**Wolf**_: Coming from the girl who came from sitting on her own cousins leg.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: She did WHAT!

_**Wolf**_: -_speaks very slowly_- Yuka. used. Kouta's. knee. as. a. vaginal. massager. and. had. a. orgasm.

_**Kouta**_: Well that explains what the hell that sticky stuff was and why my pants smelled a little weird.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: -_Death Glare_- Yuka. Soon.

_**Yuka**_: -_Curls into a ball- _oh dear god help me.

_**Nozomi**_: Yes actually he's very proud that I stuck up for myself, he comes to all my shows and supports me.

_**Mayu**_: I wish I had a dad like that.

_**Wolf**_: Is Kouta not a good enough dad?

_**Mayu**_: I see him as a older wise brother, but I see Yuka as mother figure.

_**Wolf**_: Maybe you just have a older brother younger sister-themed fetish and refuse to see Kouta as a father.

_**Mayu**_: -_Blush_- W-what? That's so disgusting!

_**Kouta**_: Seriously Wolf what the hell is wrong with you?

_**Wolf**_: B*tch please if you spent half the time I do on the Internet and watching anime you'd be the same.

_**Anna**_: Me and that Shim (She+Him) -_points to the Agent_- used a conveniently placed working elevator and where found by a fishing boat, we got out so fast that we didn't need to plus I think the body would have gave us some kinda sickness if we did.

_**The Agent**_: If anyone ever refers to me as a shim again I will shoot you in the *ick.

_**Wolf**_: -_Grabs groin out of fear_- Damn I'd rather have Lucy just slice me in half. OK _**Themulchmeister**_ asks:

**Nousou and The Agent, you really should take some time to get to know each other. You really do look like our related or something (long blonde hair, feminine face, roughly same body size). Well whatever, if you don't think you two are twins then at least let me know: Nousou, if you knew The Agent was a chick; and The Agent, if Nousou hadn't had his head ripped off, do you reckon you would have made the perfect odd couple for the series?**

**Kurama: Now that all the secretaries/female researchers are gathered, who will it be: Shirakawa, Kisaragi or maybe Miss Arakawa?**

**Operatives: Screw you! You guys didn't even get given a name in the Manga. You can go sit in the corner with Isobe now!**

**Unknown Man: would you ever consider doing placing the role of Alucard in thHellsing Movie? At least then you may be remembered for doing some good in your twisted life.**

**Lucy, Kouta, Yuka, Mayu, Nana: I've always wanted to ask - PSYCHE, I still don't have any questions for you guys.**

**Nozomi: Don't worry I feel sorry for you since they booted you off the Anime. If you want you can sing the OP Theme for my latest Fanfic.**

**Number 28: Alas poor Number 28, seriously I just wanna know how you're going these days? I mean did you at least get all your organs and limbs back? **

**Wolf: Great job keeping all those psychopaths, misanthropes, sado-masochists, and emotionally fragile lot together. Do you think you should take them all out for a walk outside and do something to ease the tension? Maybe have a Beach Episode?**

_**Nousou**_: I don't know, -_Shrugs- _maybe.

_**Agent**_: Hm, I gives me something to think about, but really he'd have to give up the loli love.

_**Nousou**_: Alleged.

_**Wolf**_: I find it interesting that Nousou didn't just dish out his common "She's not my type" line.

_**Kurama**_: Why isn't my wife one of the choices?

_**Hiromi**_: -_Grabs Kurama- _Back off you crazy b*tches!

_**Kurama**_: Wait, Why is Arakawa even a choice? I never even met her before.

_**Wolf**_: OK for the sake of human interest let me rephrase the question. If your wife wasn't alive who would you chose?

_**Kurama**_: You're really going to make me chose? You know this can't end well right?

_**Wolf**_: Ohhohoho~ That's what I'm hoping for.

_**Kurama**_: Kisaragi.

_**Kisaragi**_: Yes I win! -_Goes to jump hug Kurama- _Chief.

_**Hiromi**_: -_Uppercuts Kisaragi in mid-air_- B*tch he's still my husband!

**Shirakawa**_: _But Chief, why?

_**Kurama**_: I'm sorry Shirakawa, but your not my type. You're to much like me.

_**Wolf**_: Oh! BURN! Epic deny! Plus you did put bombs in Mariko.

_**Hiromi**_: She did WHAT to my baby! -_Super uppercuts Shirakawa_-

_**Wolf**_: I always thought your wife was frail and sickly, Kurama.

_**Kurama**_: She is, but she used to train in Muay Thai back when she was younger.

**Operatives**_: _You mad, bro?

_**Wolf**_: Get the f*ck out of here and If you touch my laptop I'll have you skinned alive and dipped in salt.

_**Unknown Man**_: Sure why not, I bet it will pay well and maybe I could get more fans.

_**Kouta**_: Still don't care.

_**Wolf**_: Kouta don't be a douche bag, wait...Kouta being a douche bag? What the hell is going on?

_**Nozomi**_: Thank you for being so kind, which song would that be?

_**Wolf**_: I'm guessing Lilium.

_**Wolf**_: -_Pulls out a truck from under his seat and opens it_-

_**#28**_: I fine, thanks a ton for asking! I really don't get that many fans so the fact you seem so interested is more then enough for me.

_**Yuka**_: Why is she in a trunk?

_**Wolf**_: Dunno. She likes being a small places, its like reverse claustrophobia. Ah thanks for the praise, a beach episode? Sounds like a great a idea! -_Sarcastic voice_- I mean what can go wrong! That's it guys and gals next chapter where going to the beach!

_**Everyone**_ _**but Bando**_: Yay!

_**Bando**_: Great more f*cking trash to pick up.

_**Wolf**_: Oh by the way, _**Themulchmeister**_, if your even still reading seeing as your questions where answered, I voted on your poll.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: You picked me right.

_**Wolf**_: Nope.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Wait, WHAT! Then who'd you chose?

_**Wolf**_: Why Goku of course! I mean Goku can't be beat, we all know he could kill Alucard and Lucy no problem cause all he would have to do is use one attack, and Light can't kill him with the Death Note because Goku isn't even his real name and there are no legal documents which list his real name as Goku. So Goku wins. Don't be mad Lucy because its a death battle poll, not who a popularity poll.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: OK I'll let it slide this one time.

_**Wolf**_: Thank the gods, _**LSSJ2 Gohan**_asks:

**DNA voice (Lucy): What's your final objective? I mean, it's clear that you're trying to goad Kaede into killing Kouta (And Yuka, and Nozomi, And Mayu, etc...) and the rest of humanity, but then what? Are you planning on creating a Diclonius utopia, or you just want to crown yourself "Goddess of the new world" like Death Note's Kira?**

**Kaede: At your full power, do you think you might have actually reached Dragon Ball Z levels of power (As in being able to blow up whole planets)?**

**Kouta: You have Lucy's little brother (And perhaps her mother too) in front of you. She killed your sister and father. Does the thought of taking vengeance by killing them ever crossed your mind?**

**Director Kakuzawa: Considering your original plan seemed to be leave only Kaede/Lucy/Nyu and her little brother to breed... Didn't you ever stop to think: "But wait, I need at least a few thousand individuals for genetic variability, this isn't going to work..."**

**Nousou: How old are the Mariko clones? Did you aged them artificially? Also, is there a way to alter a Silpelit's body to either make them fertile, or at least stabilize their growth so they can mature at an average human rate?**

**Unknown Man: Have you ever been confused by Hellsing's Alucard?**

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: I really can't answer for her.

_**Wolf**_: I can summon her using my dark powers.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Really?

_**Wolf**_: Yeah watch. -_Chucks a hammer at Lucy's head-_

_**(DNA) LUCY**_: Foolish human now you die!

_**Wolf**_: Hold it b*tch. I gave you life once again and send you back to the afterlife just as fast. So answer the question.

_**(DNA) LUCY**_: My ultimate plan is to infect human's with the Diclonius virus so the number of Silpelites grows out of control, then the Diclonius will kill all the humans and all shall bow to me and me alone!

_**Wolf**_: So a very generic "I want to rule the world" right? You bore me. -_Chucks another hammer at Lucy_-

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Ah damn why does my head hurt so much?

_**Wolf**_: No reason Lucy, none at all.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: What the hell is Dragon Ball Z?

_**Wolf**_: The father of Shonen manga and quiet possibly the greatest anime ever. Since Lucy doesn't know what the hell DBZ is I'll answer for her. I Imagine that at full power Lucy could cause massive damage however I doubt she was strong enough to blow up a planet or anything of the sort.

_**Kouta**_: No, I refuse to let any more killing happen. Plus why would I kill two people who haven't done anything wrong to me.

_**Wolf**_: On a side note, why would he kill his possible Step-brother and Step-mother.

_**Kouta**_: -_Blush_- Wolf your an ass.

_**Chief Kaku**_: I figured if God could do it so could I.

_**Wolf**_: Seriously that proves that you had no hope in winning.

_**Nousou**_: They're each five years old, their time age is about 3 months, but there physical age is five. It only takes a two month incubation period for the clones to reach the desired form. I think there might be a way to cause fertility but age control is completely out of the question.

_**Wolf**_: Look at you being all science-y.

_**Unknown Man**_: Every day, all day.

_**Wolf**_: Sucks to you bro. _**Maiko2853 **_asks:

**Kouta, why do you put up with Yuka's hits? You're clearly strong enough to take her down if you wanted to.**

**Lucy, you do realize that without your vectors, you'd just be a pathetic little twerp, right?**

**Nana, how does it feel knowing the cast is willing to eat one of your fake legs? By the way, here's a new prosthetic leg.**

**Yuka, how did the fake leg taste?**

**Mariko, did it ever occur to you that you could use your vectors to help build up leg and arm muscles? You know you could also use your vectors for fun? Also, here is some mashed potatoes with gravy, ham and green beans.**

**Barbara, have you ever considered trying to give just one human the chance you were denied? I mean, just look at Mariko, Nana, Nyu, Kaede and even your species queen, Lucy. They all put there faith in just one person, and their faith was rewarded with long and loving relationships. Would you like that kind of relationship, or do you want to continue down your sad and lonely destructive path? Oh, and here's some tomato soup.**

**Mayu, do you wear a bra to try and keep pedophiles away by making your boobs look bigger?**

**Bando, if Mayu was to decide one day that you were husband material, what would you do?**

**Nousou, okay, so you decided to become good and try to help the Diclonius. Will with that in mind, you do remember that it's not us you have to convince, but all the hundreds upon hundreds of Silpelites you royally pissed off, right?**

**Nyu, you can't control yourself around women with big boobs, so do you have a similar reaction to men that have big shwangs?**

**Arakawa, even this kills me, I HAVE to know! (rips off Arakawa's clothes) Hmm, so they are real. (notices Arakawa's pissed off look) OH SH*T! NYU, LOOK! BOOBIES!**

**Wolf, how have you managed to keep your sanity through all this?**

**Before I forget, a shipment of food should be arriving later you guys. There should be enough food to keep everyone, including those backstage, well fed for several weeks.**

_**Kouta**_: Even though I would love it if Yuka stopped hitting me I really can't hit girls except for the occasional slap.

_**Wolf**_: What do you mean "can't"?

_**Kouta**_: I can't otherwise people will stop seeing me as a nice guy and start seeing me as a total jerk, since I'm the only real nice guy in the entire series it would kill are fan base.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Maybe, but then again I'm not shy about gun play.

_**Wolf**_: Doesn't change the fact, you minus vectors equals regular human.

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Sure, but lets not forget, I have my vectors today and I'll have them tomorrow so don't call me a twerp.

_**Nana**_: I disturbs me at how easily this people would turn on me! I mean yeah I know that they're not real but still they're my legs! -_Pops leg into place_- Hey thanks!

_**Yuka**_: Like plastic and rubber mixed together, it felt like foam. But it had a very good after taste.

_**Wolf**_: For the love of god woman your talking about a fake leg!

_**Yuka**_: -_Shrugs_-

_**Mariko**_:...Really? All this time I could have just used them to make me walk! What a waste of time. Oh I use my vectors for fun all the time, one time I picked up a researcher and chucked him fifty meters away! To bad he went splat. Thanks for the food, because of you I was able to feed my whole family when Wolf wasn't around.

_**Barbara**_: -_Thinking_- Hm, I guess I could always give it a shot, but then again none of there lives where exactly all rainbows and butterflies. -_Takes soup_- Is this warm blood? What I'm a vampire?

_**Nousou**_: Oh just drinking it you little no-nothing. -_Puts a spoonful of soup in Barbara's mouth_-

_**Barbara**_: Not bad, its not great, but its not bad, But I like chocolate more.

_**Wolf**_: Yeah you and just about every other human being.

_**Mayu**_: No, I just have A-cup angst. Although that might work.

_**Bando**_: I would be conflicted to the point where I would stall up. Saying yes would make me a pedo, and I would have to beat my own ass, saying no would hurt Mayu, then I would have to beat my own ass. Either way I would lose.

_**Wolf**_: Seems to make perfect sense.

_**Nousou**_: -_Visibly Nervous_- uh...hahaha...oh...yeah...forgot about them...um...oh boy...I guess I could use Barbara as an ambassador? Maybe?

_**Barbara**_: -_Dead serious face_- No.

_**Nousou**_: Really? Not even if I give you some candy?

_**Barbara**_: Maybe.

_**Nousou**_: All my candy?

_**Barbara**_: hmm OK deal.

_**Nousou**_: Will you forgive me if I give you even more candy?

_**Barbara**_: No.

_**Nousou**_: How bout all my candy, toys, and a pony?

_**Barbara**_: Oh dear lord! For that I'll forgive and even let you dress me up in the those skimpy lolita dresses!

_**Nousou**_: -_Puts one sunglasses that he pulled out of no where_- Just as I planned.

_**Nyu**_: Well the biggest one I've seen is Kouta's so I guess so.

_**Wolf**_: Wait isn't the only one you've seen Kouta's.

_**Kouta**_: No, Nyu tends to watch alot of porn. Like boxes full of porno movies.

_**Wolf**_: Wait...porn stars are all ways big...Nyu just said Kouta has a bigger one...KOUTA HAS A GIANT SHWANG!

_**Yuka**_: Really! Let me be the judge of that! -_Reachs for Kouta's groin_-

_**Lucy/Kaede**_: Do you like having arms Yuka? If so I suggest you back the hell up.

_**Nyu**_: Yay! -_Tackles_-

_**Wolf**_: -_Face turns red- _Yes! Softcore Lesbian porn! I record this and make thousands!

_**Kouta**_: Are you trying to become some kind of porno entrepreneur?

_**Wolf**_: Your damn skippy I am.

_**Wolf**_: Magic.

_**Yuka**_: Is that how you're going to explain everything?

_**Wolf**_: Magic.

_**Yuka**_: That doesn't an-

_**Wolf**_: .

_**Yuka**_: Bu-

_**Wolf**_: _**MAGIC!**_

_**Yuka**_: O-

_**Wolf**_: M, A, G, I, C, what's that spell? Magic! Magic! Yeah!

_**Yuka**_: -_Silent_-

_**Wolf**_: But seriously drugs. Oh and thanks for sending this whiny wimpy wusses food, now maybe they'll shut the hell up.

~End

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><p>12 Pages and it took me like 3 hours, I would have been finished in one hour and posted this yesterday but I was to busy with people visiting.<p> 


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